Dear Moms,
How many times have you heard a mom say, “The next time you do that, you will be punished.” or How many times have you heard a mom say, “The next time you say that you will be punished.” If you heard them say it more than one time, it is more than one time too many, they should be saying it, in my book. They are on the right tract, however. I believe a mom should always give a warning, especially to a preschooler. In fact, that is the next key word on the topic of discipline, for the letter N….NEXT TIME.
Always give a warning, one warning, not two not three, not etc. Your child is smart, in fact, he or she is a genius. They will quickly learned to obey, one step before the punishment is given. So if you warn two times, they will obey after two times. I wanted my children to obey on the first time. You would often hear me say, when I was parenting my seven blessings from God, “YOU NEED TO OBEY ON THE FIRST TIME, I AM NOT GOING TO ASK YOU AGAIN, YOU WILL BE DISCIPLINED.”
I did believe in giving a warning. Why ? If Johnny doesn’t know that it is a spank able offense to smash cheerios in the rug, he will be shocked and offended by the spanking. The warning makes it clear of the rules, especially for toddler who forget the rules if not reminded daily, and sometimes hourly. When warning a child I would stoop down to their level look them right in the eye, eye ball to eye ball. I would hold their little face if necessary. This even works for teenagers. The second part of the equation is that after warning them once and stating what the consequences would be if they did not obey, I would follow thru on what I said. Remember, A mom needs to be consistent. Rules need to be the same every day. A mom needs to be a woman of her word. If she says it, she has to do it. There is safety and security, for a child in being parented by a mom who gives one warning then acts righteously to follow thru. Anything short of that is just an empty threat. Children will quickly learn if you are a follow thru mom or not. A woman of her word raises confident children. What happens if you are not a follow thru mom? YOUR CHILDREN TEST YOU…..SOMETIMES ALL DAY LONG. You see they just want to see how far they can go before you mean what you say. A follow thru mom raises children who obey on the first time. Do you want obedient children or testers?
What do you do if you have spent most of your motherhood, warning and not following thru? You sit down with your children and have a heart to heart talk with them. You say, Mommy has been noticing that things are not going so well around here, there are going to be some changes made. First off, I will give one warning them I will discipline you if you do not obey. Once you have made the new rules clear there will be a time of testing, I promise you that, however you will bear good fruit if you are consistent. Scripture says, LET YOUR YES BE YES AND YOUR NO BE NO.” It is never too late mom. You will be doing your child a tremendous favor to train them up in the way of the Lord. IT IS God‘s command to us.
It is very important, mom, to only let your children play at the homes where you feel comfortable with the discipline and the rules, as well as the parenting skills. My children mainly played at my house. They preferred it that way. We had the kid friendly house as well as the fun house. I made sure of that. If my children wanted to play at a friends house, you could be sure that I knew the parents well and what kind of environment I was letting them go into. Mom take this very seriously, you cannot be too cautious in today’s society. Check it out carefully. There may be more than over warning going on there and it is your job mom that your child is safe at all times. If you have a check in you spirit, It may be the Holy Spirit sending you a Red Flag. Yes, the Holy Spirit give warnings as well as Moms. Just like our child needs to heed our warnings, we must train yourself to heed the warnings of the Spirit of God. Pray that your heart be in tune with God’s heart and that you too mom have ears open to obedience. God’ s Word is lamp unto our feet. God’s Spirit is our guide thru this life here on earth. Take God’s hand. Follow along the path He has Chosen for you to walk.
That’s all for today I have an exercise class. E-MAIL ME ELLEN. wwwmomsbestwisdom.com
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I is for Inability
Dear Moms,
I hope this series on discipline has been helpful. There are only three key words left to talk about. The next key word for the letter I is INABILITY TO COPE. There’s an old song that goes like this, “ MY MAMA SAID THERE WILL BE DAYS LIKE THIS THERE WILL BE DAYS LIKE THIS MY MAMA SAID.” Just knowing that there will be days like this, days that you will feel an inability to cope, that information alone will be a help in getting thru one of those day. Even though that song was not intended to be about motherhood, I wanted to use it to make my point. What is my point, you might be asking yourself? My point is Mom, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Every Mom, if the truth be told, has a day like this, where she wants to run away to a Caribbean Island, change her name and never change another Pamper again. A day when she is a desperate woman, who is convinced that she can’t go on. She may even feel that she doesn’t love her child or her children. The key word is a day, like this. If however this these days go on for weeks, this is a RED FLAG. Most Mothers realize after a day or two, that they can’t afford a trip to the Caribbean, that they actually like their name and it isn’t so bad changing the Pampers. In other words they realize that their emotions were getting the best of them, and they were just having a bad day. You see mature moms realize that love is a choice and not a feeling. Just like in the scripture I Corinthians 13,which states the qualities of love. What it doesn’t state however is that we must choose to walk in these virtues. Don’t panic mom God will give us the grace to do just that as we spend daily time with him.
Now what if this feeling just doesn’t go away. This feeling of inability to cope, this lack of love for our child, this desperation to run away, what do you do then, mom? This, like I said, is a Red Flag, a warning sign, a cry for help, which should never be ignored. It is very real and needs attention, you can not just pray it away. Here are some important ideas of what to do:
1. Tell your husband immediately, maybe he can take on some of the responsibilities that you are carrying.
2. This is a great time to schedule a meeting with that Older Woman or Spiritual Director, we talked about in another section.
3. Get a break, hire a babysitter, or a maid, or a mother’s helper. If you don’t have the finances for this, trade off with a friend that you trust with your children.
4. Ask your mom to come for a visit. In most cases she can be another set of hands and a wealth of wisdom.
5. Get a new hairdo or buy a new dress. We are woman, some times we just need a lift. How we look on the outside does affect how we feel on the inside.
6. Get into a exercise routine. Every woman is different, chose what flavor of exercise you enjoy, a class, a sport, running, going to the gym, or just popping in a DVD. What ever it is do it regularly, at least three times a week .Exercise will be great to change your outlook on your day.
7. Get a support system of other mothers , who have children the same ages as your children. Get together weekly if not more often.
8. Get a Prayer Partner that can pray with you daily. A person you can call any time day or night that you know you can depend on.
9. Get outdoors. Go for a daily walk, even if it is with the children, and enjoy the sunshine.
10. Go see your doctor. You physical state does affect your mental state. Get a check up to see what is going on.
11. Get some sleep. Nap if possible. We are human, we need sleep. A good night sleep does wonders.
12. Maybe it is time to take a Romantic Get Away with your husband. .How about the Caribbean?
Mom, take some of these practical suggestions. There is always help available. You are not in this alone. There are people who can and will help. Don’t go it alone. ASK FOR HELP. Remember, no one is exempt, all of us have days like this, that’s why my mama said there would be days like this.
E-mail me, ELLEN, I’D like to help!
www.momsbestwisdom.com
I hope this series on discipline has been helpful. There are only three key words left to talk about. The next key word for the letter I is INABILITY TO COPE. There’s an old song that goes like this, “ MY MAMA SAID THERE WILL BE DAYS LIKE THIS THERE WILL BE DAYS LIKE THIS MY MAMA SAID.” Just knowing that there will be days like this, days that you will feel an inability to cope, that information alone will be a help in getting thru one of those day. Even though that song was not intended to be about motherhood, I wanted to use it to make my point. What is my point, you might be asking yourself? My point is Mom, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Every Mom, if the truth be told, has a day like this, where she wants to run away to a Caribbean Island, change her name and never change another Pamper again. A day when she is a desperate woman, who is convinced that she can’t go on. She may even feel that she doesn’t love her child or her children. The key word is a day, like this. If however this these days go on for weeks, this is a RED FLAG. Most Mothers realize after a day or two, that they can’t afford a trip to the Caribbean, that they actually like their name and it isn’t so bad changing the Pampers. In other words they realize that their emotions were getting the best of them, and they were just having a bad day. You see mature moms realize that love is a choice and not a feeling. Just like in the scripture I Corinthians 13,which states the qualities of love. What it doesn’t state however is that we must choose to walk in these virtues. Don’t panic mom God will give us the grace to do just that as we spend daily time with him.
Now what if this feeling just doesn’t go away. This feeling of inability to cope, this lack of love for our child, this desperation to run away, what do you do then, mom? This, like I said, is a Red Flag, a warning sign, a cry for help, which should never be ignored. It is very real and needs attention, you can not just pray it away. Here are some important ideas of what to do:
1. Tell your husband immediately, maybe he can take on some of the responsibilities that you are carrying.
2. This is a great time to schedule a meeting with that Older Woman or Spiritual Director, we talked about in another section.
3. Get a break, hire a babysitter, or a maid, or a mother’s helper. If you don’t have the finances for this, trade off with a friend that you trust with your children.
4. Ask your mom to come for a visit. In most cases she can be another set of hands and a wealth of wisdom.
5. Get a new hairdo or buy a new dress. We are woman, some times we just need a lift. How we look on the outside does affect how we feel on the inside.
6. Get into a exercise routine. Every woman is different, chose what flavor of exercise you enjoy, a class, a sport, running, going to the gym, or just popping in a DVD. What ever it is do it regularly, at least three times a week .Exercise will be great to change your outlook on your day.
7. Get a support system of other mothers , who have children the same ages as your children. Get together weekly if not more often.
8. Get a Prayer Partner that can pray with you daily. A person you can call any time day or night that you know you can depend on.
9. Get outdoors. Go for a daily walk, even if it is with the children, and enjoy the sunshine.
10. Go see your doctor. You physical state does affect your mental state. Get a check up to see what is going on.
11. Get some sleep. Nap if possible. We are human, we need sleep. A good night sleep does wonders.
12. Maybe it is time to take a Romantic Get Away with your husband. .How about the Caribbean?
Mom, take some of these practical suggestions. There is always help available. You are not in this alone. There are people who can and will help. Don’t go it alone. ASK FOR HELP. Remember, no one is exempt, all of us have days like this, that’s why my mama said there would be days like this.
E-mail me, ELLEN, I’D like to help!
www.momsbestwisdom.com
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
L is for Love
Dear Moms,
“This is my commandment that you love one another that your joy may be full.” The words of that old Christian Song are never more true than in the area of Motherhood .There is nothing more precious than a mother’s love poured out agape’ style on all of her children. That is why love is not only the next key word but also the most important key word in this section on discipline. Mom, always ere toward love. An expectant mother often wonders if they will have enough love for their next child. They love the ones they have so much especially , if they only have one child. Then God blesses them with a second child. They wonder if they will love this child as much as their first. They pray fervently to God for the grace to do just that. Yes, God is always faithful. God showed me a long time ago that the more love we pour out, the more love He fills us with. I know it is a Scriptural Principle, “GIVE AND IT SHLL BE GIVEN UNTO YOU,DOWN, SHAKEN TOGETHER , AND OVERFLOWING. God’s word is true and if He said it, He will surely do it .Think of it as a word picture of th milk supply of a nursing mother, the more milk the baby drinks, the more milk the mom makes. In the same way as you give love out, God fills you with more love to give. It is a principle of supply and demand.
Two key things are important, Love and Consistence. If a mother is strict, yet loving and consistent, her children will most likely become strong and well adjusted adults. If a mother is lenient ,yet loving, and consistent, her children will most likely become strong, and well adjusted adults. I have seen this play out in my life and the lives of other mothers who parented children ,when I was raising my children. I have also observed adults who lacked the qualities of love and consistency and their children were not so well adjusted. My conclusion of my people watching was, IT DOES NOT MATTER SO MUCH IF YOU ARE STRICT OR IF YOU ARE LIENTIENT, WHAT MATTERS MOST IS ARE YOU LOVING AND ARE YOU CONSISTENT. I however believe on trying to strike a healthy balance between being a strict parent and being a lenient parent.
Moms, listen to your children, and let them know how important they are to you. Make sure that they know just how much you love them. Show your love to them not only in words, but also in actions. Never, ever, take your love away as a form of punishment. Your love should be given freely and without end, as God’s Love is given to you. You mom, are your child’s view of God. Your child will feel secure in God’s Love, if your child is secure in your love. Always be ready to give a hug and say, “ I understand.” You might add, “I love you and I will always love you, but that was still wrong. I love you too much to let you be disobedient. After all, I am accountable to God for your behavior. I am raising you for the KINGDOM OF GOD.
The definition of what God means by the word Love is explained thoroughly in the Scripture I Corinthians 13. Read this Scripture Verse slowly and insert the word Mom instead of the word love. It would go something like this…“Mom is very patient. Mom is very kind. Mom is not boastful. Mom is not proud.” If you are any thing like me you will quickly realize that you have a long way to go to become the mother God desires you to be. In disciplining our children let I Corinthians 13 be our measuring stick. Let love be our guide. Let us pray to God each day to be filled with the love we need to discipline our children using Godly Principles. Let us strive to be an example to the world of disciplining our children kindly, patiently, and with the agape’ love that only God can give. Read I Corinthians 13 daily if possible, it will change your heart and it will change your life. Yes, God changes us from within as we spend time with Him.
That’s all from Ellen. www.momsbestwisdom.com
“This is my commandment that you love one another that your joy may be full.” The words of that old Christian Song are never more true than in the area of Motherhood .There is nothing more precious than a mother’s love poured out agape’ style on all of her children. That is why love is not only the next key word but also the most important key word in this section on discipline. Mom, always ere toward love. An expectant mother often wonders if they will have enough love for their next child. They love the ones they have so much especially , if they only have one child. Then God blesses them with a second child. They wonder if they will love this child as much as their first. They pray fervently to God for the grace to do just that. Yes, God is always faithful. God showed me a long time ago that the more love we pour out, the more love He fills us with. I know it is a Scriptural Principle, “GIVE AND IT SHLL BE GIVEN UNTO YOU,DOWN, SHAKEN TOGETHER , AND OVERFLOWING. God’s word is true and if He said it, He will surely do it .Think of it as a word picture of th milk supply of a nursing mother, the more milk the baby drinks, the more milk the mom makes. In the same way as you give love out, God fills you with more love to give. It is a principle of supply and demand.
Two key things are important, Love and Consistence. If a mother is strict, yet loving and consistent, her children will most likely become strong and well adjusted adults. If a mother is lenient ,yet loving, and consistent, her children will most likely become strong, and well adjusted adults. I have seen this play out in my life and the lives of other mothers who parented children ,when I was raising my children. I have also observed adults who lacked the qualities of love and consistency and their children were not so well adjusted. My conclusion of my people watching was, IT DOES NOT MATTER SO MUCH IF YOU ARE STRICT OR IF YOU ARE LIENTIENT, WHAT MATTERS MOST IS ARE YOU LOVING AND ARE YOU CONSISTENT. I however believe on trying to strike a healthy balance between being a strict parent and being a lenient parent.
Moms, listen to your children, and let them know how important they are to you. Make sure that they know just how much you love them. Show your love to them not only in words, but also in actions. Never, ever, take your love away as a form of punishment. Your love should be given freely and without end, as God’s Love is given to you. You mom, are your child’s view of God. Your child will feel secure in God’s Love, if your child is secure in your love. Always be ready to give a hug and say, “ I understand.” You might add, “I love you and I will always love you, but that was still wrong. I love you too much to let you be disobedient. After all, I am accountable to God for your behavior. I am raising you for the KINGDOM OF GOD.
The definition of what God means by the word Love is explained thoroughly in the Scripture I Corinthians 13. Read this Scripture Verse slowly and insert the word Mom instead of the word love. It would go something like this…“Mom is very patient. Mom is very kind. Mom is not boastful. Mom is not proud.” If you are any thing like me you will quickly realize that you have a long way to go to become the mother God desires you to be. In disciplining our children let I Corinthians 13 be our measuring stick. Let love be our guide. Let us pray to God each day to be filled with the love we need to discipline our children using Godly Principles. Let us strive to be an example to the world of disciplining our children kindly, patiently, and with the agape’ love that only God can give. Read I Corinthians 13 daily if possible, it will change your heart and it will change your life. Yes, God changes us from within as we spend time with Him.
That’s all from Ellen. www.momsbestwisdom.com
And the winner is...
comment #14--frugallm who said:
My best mothering tip is to let the dishes sit in the sink and sit down and play with your kids!
I guess since we were late in posting the giveaway, it only makes sense to be late in posting the winner! Thanks to everyone who visited our blog and entered!
My best mothering tip is to let the dishes sit in the sink and sit down and play with your kids!
I guess since we were late in posting the giveaway, it only makes sense to be late in posting the winner! Thanks to everyone who visited our blog and entered!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Bloggy Giveaway!
We're getting into this giveaway late, but welcome to those of you who made it to our site!
The giveaway is a bible study specifically for mothers (Mom's Best Wisdom Bible Study), and we will through in a few other mom books too!
We are a relatively new blog and website hoping to provide moms with tips on mothering and marriage, ideas for entertaining your children, and support to help you be the best mom you can be. Take a look around our main site to find information on everything from starting your own music playgroup to keeping the romance in your marriage after kids! Check our blog daily for ideas to entertain your kids and keep your sanity as a mom, while at the same time raising your children in a Christian environment. Our archives contain all kinds of ideas on projects and activities based on the letters of alphabet, and our recent posts contain lots advice on a variety of parenting topics. We would love for the blog to become a platform for discussion on these topics, so come back and join the conversation! Currently, we are discussing discipline.
The giveaway is a bible study specifically for mothers (Mom's Best Wisdom Bible Study), and we will through in a few other mom books too!
(The book was written by Ellen Mongan, a mother of seven children, and a Christian writer and speaker. She, along with her daughters, Tarolyn and Amanda, founded this site.)
To win, simply leave a comment giving your best mothering tip! Since we’re entering this carnival late, the giveaway will end at 9 pm (EST) on Saturday, November 1st.
For more great giveaways, visit the carnival at Bloggy Giveaways!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
P is for Plan
Dear Moms,
Did you ever hear the Girl Scout Motto? It is “BE PREPARED.” Motherhood is one job in life that you never know all the answers . You must expect the unexpected, yet the best advice I can give you is, “IT ALWAYS HELPS TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.” Yes, just like your favorite school teacher used to say. So I guess, the Girl Scout Motto works for Motherhood, as well. In other words. Have a well thought out Plan. In fact that is the next key word in our study of discipline. Having a plan is step two of Intelligent Decisions. Reading about motherhood gives you the information on a problem that may arise. Once you have read the material, then you, mom, need to plan how you will implement the information if that discipline problem occurs. You do not want to be caught off guard. You do not want to just discipline as you go. As my husband says, “Moms, need to make thoughtful decisions.”
Have a plan. Now I am wise enough to know that sometimes the plan may not work. Yes, even the most well thought out plans fail. A mom might be heard saying, “IT LOOKED SO GOOD ON PAPER.” OR, “I GUESS DR. DOBSON WAS WRONG.“ No, Dr. Dobson wasn’t wrong. Remember every child is different and every mother is different. This is the beauty of the fact that, “ WE ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE,” from Psalms. Mom, “IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY, AGAIN.” Have the same rules for each child every time. BE CONSISTENT. Try the plan for a few days, and if no Victory is in sight, research a new plan. This will result in perseverance, a wonderful character trait that a mom can’t live without. Seek and you will find the answer. After being a studier of God’s Word for over 30 years, I am convinced, that there is an answer to every problem in the Word of God. We just have to dig deep enough and search hard enough, and pray fervently enough.
Sometimes our answer comes to us from another person., that would be, “GOD WITH SKIN ON.” Oh how I thank God for the Body of Christ. When I was raising my children, I always had an Older Woman, as described in the Book of Titus. A woman, older and wiser than I, who had walked the path before me that I was now trodding. I think every young mother should actively seek out such a woman who can mentor them along the path and help them through the hard spots. These woman are not only a wealth of knowledge, but an ear to listen to you and even sometimes a shoulder to cry on. Isn’t that why God in His wisdom suggests that the older woman should teach the younger woman. Read Titus.
It is my personal belief that Mary went to visit Elizabeth, (found in LUKE) not only to serve her, but also to sit at her feet and learn from her some motherhood skills. Mary was a young girl, Elizabeth an older woman. Elizabeth had probably nurtured, many children before. This is just my personal opinion. You will not find it in the Scriptures, but doesn’t it make sense to you? Otherwise, why would a newly pregnant, probably very nauseated young girl, like Mary make a long trip on a donkey of all things, to serve her on in years, cousin. We do know that Mary had a good heart, but I suggest that she had a seeking heart as well. The Book of Proverbs says, “A WISE MAN LISTENS TO THE COUNSEL OF MANY.” There was no one wiser than The Blessed Mother.
So mom read all you can, then formulate a plan, seek the advice of an older woman and pray a lot. Then be flexible and humble enough to admit when the plan is not working. Then it is back to the drawing board. As the old song goes, THEN PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND START ALL OVER AGAIN. I told you that you won’t know all the answers. I guess you could say that MOTHERHOOD IS GOD’S WAY OF KEEPING US HUMBLE. It can baffle at times even the wisest of us. I told the Pre Cana Class, that my husband and I teach, “ IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE FROM BEING BORING, HAVE A HOUSEFUL OF CHILDREN,” Yes, mom, If Your Quiver Is Full, Your Life Will Never Be Dull. You can Quote me on that, because I live it.
So mom what do you think? Are you a planner? E -Mail Ellen.
www.momsbestwisdom.com
Did you ever hear the Girl Scout Motto? It is “BE PREPARED.” Motherhood is one job in life that you never know all the answers . You must expect the unexpected, yet the best advice I can give you is, “IT ALWAYS HELPS TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.” Yes, just like your favorite school teacher used to say. So I guess, the Girl Scout Motto works for Motherhood, as well. In other words. Have a well thought out Plan. In fact that is the next key word in our study of discipline. Having a plan is step two of Intelligent Decisions. Reading about motherhood gives you the information on a problem that may arise. Once you have read the material, then you, mom, need to plan how you will implement the information if that discipline problem occurs. You do not want to be caught off guard. You do not want to just discipline as you go. As my husband says, “Moms, need to make thoughtful decisions.”
Have a plan. Now I am wise enough to know that sometimes the plan may not work. Yes, even the most well thought out plans fail. A mom might be heard saying, “IT LOOKED SO GOOD ON PAPER.” OR, “I GUESS DR. DOBSON WAS WRONG.“ No, Dr. Dobson wasn’t wrong. Remember every child is different and every mother is different. This is the beauty of the fact that, “ WE ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE,” from Psalms. Mom, “IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY, AGAIN.” Have the same rules for each child every time. BE CONSISTENT. Try the plan for a few days, and if no Victory is in sight, research a new plan. This will result in perseverance, a wonderful character trait that a mom can’t live without. Seek and you will find the answer. After being a studier of God’s Word for over 30 years, I am convinced, that there is an answer to every problem in the Word of God. We just have to dig deep enough and search hard enough, and pray fervently enough.
Sometimes our answer comes to us from another person., that would be, “GOD WITH SKIN ON.” Oh how I thank God for the Body of Christ. When I was raising my children, I always had an Older Woman, as described in the Book of Titus. A woman, older and wiser than I, who had walked the path before me that I was now trodding. I think every young mother should actively seek out such a woman who can mentor them along the path and help them through the hard spots. These woman are not only a wealth of knowledge, but an ear to listen to you and even sometimes a shoulder to cry on. Isn’t that why God in His wisdom suggests that the older woman should teach the younger woman. Read Titus.
It is my personal belief that Mary went to visit Elizabeth, (found in LUKE) not only to serve her, but also to sit at her feet and learn from her some motherhood skills. Mary was a young girl, Elizabeth an older woman. Elizabeth had probably nurtured, many children before. This is just my personal opinion. You will not find it in the Scriptures, but doesn’t it make sense to you? Otherwise, why would a newly pregnant, probably very nauseated young girl, like Mary make a long trip on a donkey of all things, to serve her on in years, cousin. We do know that Mary had a good heart, but I suggest that she had a seeking heart as well. The Book of Proverbs says, “A WISE MAN LISTENS TO THE COUNSEL OF MANY.” There was no one wiser than The Blessed Mother.
So mom read all you can, then formulate a plan, seek the advice of an older woman and pray a lot. Then be flexible and humble enough to admit when the plan is not working. Then it is back to the drawing board. As the old song goes, THEN PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND START ALL OVER AGAIN. I told you that you won’t know all the answers. I guess you could say that MOTHERHOOD IS GOD’S WAY OF KEEPING US HUMBLE. It can baffle at times even the wisest of us. I told the Pre Cana Class, that my husband and I teach, “ IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE FROM BEING BORING, HAVE A HOUSEFUL OF CHILDREN,” Yes, mom, If Your Quiver Is Full, Your Life Will Never Be Dull. You can Quote me on that, because I live it.
So mom what do you think? Are you a planner? E -Mail Ellen.
www.momsbestwisdom.com
I is for Ingenuity
Dear Moms,
The next key word for the letter, “I” of discipline is INGENUITY. They say “ NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION.” Never is a mother in more need, than in the area of daily wisdom for discipline. A mother needs to be on her toes, think on her feet, and be creative. This is a must. She must do all she can to keep her eye on the goal of raising these children to be strong Christians and well adjusted human beings. If her focus is not on that goal, discipline can become tedious and a chore, rather than a necessary training,which if done right will provide good fruit and growth in character. We all know how long it takes us to grow in character; this truth alone should give us the patience needed to patiently train our offspring. After all, our Father God is ever so patient with us. Scripture says, “BEAR WITH ONE ANOTHER PATIENTLY.” I think God was thinking of moms when He said that. Remember mom it does not say BE A BEAR. Although too many sleepless nights with a newborn, makes you feel like that some days, especially when facing your toddler who decided that her favorite word for the week is going to be NO. That just brings out the Bear in all of us; nonetheless, patience is the rule.
As I said earlier in the week, there is more than one way to discipline a child. This gives us moms a chance to use the creative side of the brain. A good rule of thumb is try to make the punishment fit the crime. For example, if they spill their drink on purpose, because accidents happen, let them wipe it up, providing them with a cloth. You can kindly say, We drink our drinks. We don’t spill our drinks.” If they snatch a toy, you might kindly say, “Sean had that toy first, let’s return it.’ Then encourage them to give the toy back to their friend. You might add, we will set the timer and when the buzzer rings, it will be your turn to play with the toy. If a teenager is late for curfew he could be grounded. In my home if a child did not start his chores, I would set the timer and when it would buzz, I would promptly assign them an additional chore, always with a smile and a kind explanation. It sure beat yelling.
I already shared how and when we would spank in our home. See danger, disobedience and disrespect. There is also time out as a discipline for young children. Time out should be age appropriate. I would not start time out until they are almost two. Then I use, the rule, two minutes for two year olds, three minute for three year old and so on until five year olds. I would place them in a time out chair in the same room with me. I would never use the words bad boy or even bad chair, because that is name calling. We want to build our children up and not tear them down. I would kindly say, “You need time to cool down,” that is if they were angry. Or , “You need time to think about what you just did,” if they were mean to a friend. Or even, my personal favorite, “You need time to pray to Jesus to change your attitude.” I personally feel that once they are five, it is safe to put then in their room, because sometime removing them from the situation in a tangible way has a quick way of bringing results. In other words, they miss the fun and are anxious to get back to where all the people are.
Discipline as we said in a previous blog, is used to change a behavior. If the behavior is not changing it should become evident to you mom, that that form of discipline is not working. Another way of changing behavior is using the positive, rather than the negative. Think Rewards, Think accomplishment Charts, Think Praise. I tell mothers that when, if at all possible, encourage the positive behavior and ignore the negative behavior. For example if you make an issue out of eating, most likely your toddler will use not eating as a power play. If you scream every time they smash the cookies in the rug , this will become a behavior they do often, daily if possible, especially if your “cookie smasher” is two. Try instead to PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE good behavior then Praise some more. I promise you results will come quickly. A positive parent will say often throughout the day, “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Or “I LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE SHARING WITH YOUR FRIEND!” Or, “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” This works with all ages, especially teenager. I am a positive parent. Do you know what my teenage boy says to me? He says, “MOM, YOU KNOW WHY I DON’T LIKE YOU?” “WHY,”I kindly respond. “BECAUSE, YOU ARE TOO NICE. IF YOU WERE JUST NICE SOME OF THE TIME, THEN IT WOULD BE SPECIAL, BUT YOU ARE NICE ALL THE TIME.” Yes, teenagers are like two year olds. If that is the only thing your child doesn’t like about you, mom, I’d say that is a job well done. Positive Parenting will never fail and the good news is they outgrow most of the behavior problems.
Lastly, don’t forget to pray. Ask God for an Ingenious way to handle a particular problem that has you stumped. Our God is a personal God who knows you and knows your child. Also pray with your child to over come a behavior problem. It will give you both Hope.
What do you think? E-mail Ellen (momsbestwisdom at yahoo dot com)
www@momsbestwisdom.com
The next key word for the letter, “I” of discipline is INGENUITY. They say “ NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION.” Never is a mother in more need, than in the area of daily wisdom for discipline. A mother needs to be on her toes, think on her feet, and be creative. This is a must. She must do all she can to keep her eye on the goal of raising these children to be strong Christians and well adjusted human beings. If her focus is not on that goal, discipline can become tedious and a chore, rather than a necessary training,which if done right will provide good fruit and growth in character. We all know how long it takes us to grow in character; this truth alone should give us the patience needed to patiently train our offspring. After all, our Father God is ever so patient with us. Scripture says, “BEAR WITH ONE ANOTHER PATIENTLY.” I think God was thinking of moms when He said that. Remember mom it does not say BE A BEAR. Although too many sleepless nights with a newborn, makes you feel like that some days, especially when facing your toddler who decided that her favorite word for the week is going to be NO. That just brings out the Bear in all of us; nonetheless, patience is the rule.
As I said earlier in the week, there is more than one way to discipline a child. This gives us moms a chance to use the creative side of the brain. A good rule of thumb is try to make the punishment fit the crime. For example, if they spill their drink on purpose, because accidents happen, let them wipe it up, providing them with a cloth. You can kindly say, We drink our drinks. We don’t spill our drinks.” If they snatch a toy, you might kindly say, “Sean had that toy first, let’s return it.’ Then encourage them to give the toy back to their friend. You might add, we will set the timer and when the buzzer rings, it will be your turn to play with the toy. If a teenager is late for curfew he could be grounded. In my home if a child did not start his chores, I would set the timer and when it would buzz, I would promptly assign them an additional chore, always with a smile and a kind explanation. It sure beat yelling.
I already shared how and when we would spank in our home. See danger, disobedience and disrespect. There is also time out as a discipline for young children. Time out should be age appropriate. I would not start time out until they are almost two. Then I use, the rule, two minutes for two year olds, three minute for three year old and so on until five year olds. I would place them in a time out chair in the same room with me. I would never use the words bad boy or even bad chair, because that is name calling. We want to build our children up and not tear them down. I would kindly say, “You need time to cool down,” that is if they were angry. Or , “You need time to think about what you just did,” if they were mean to a friend. Or even, my personal favorite, “You need time to pray to Jesus to change your attitude.” I personally feel that once they are five, it is safe to put then in their room, because sometime removing them from the situation in a tangible way has a quick way of bringing results. In other words, they miss the fun and are anxious to get back to where all the people are.
Discipline as we said in a previous blog, is used to change a behavior. If the behavior is not changing it should become evident to you mom, that that form of discipline is not working. Another way of changing behavior is using the positive, rather than the negative. Think Rewards, Think accomplishment Charts, Think Praise. I tell mothers that when, if at all possible, encourage the positive behavior and ignore the negative behavior. For example if you make an issue out of eating, most likely your toddler will use not eating as a power play. If you scream every time they smash the cookies in the rug , this will become a behavior they do often, daily if possible, especially if your “cookie smasher” is two. Try instead to PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE good behavior then Praise some more. I promise you results will come quickly. A positive parent will say often throughout the day, “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Or “I LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE SHARING WITH YOUR FRIEND!” Or, “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” This works with all ages, especially teenager. I am a positive parent. Do you know what my teenage boy says to me? He says, “MOM, YOU KNOW WHY I DON’T LIKE YOU?” “WHY,”I kindly respond. “BECAUSE, YOU ARE TOO NICE. IF YOU WERE JUST NICE SOME OF THE TIME, THEN IT WOULD BE SPECIAL, BUT YOU ARE NICE ALL THE TIME.” Yes, teenagers are like two year olds. If that is the only thing your child doesn’t like about you, mom, I’d say that is a job well done. Positive Parenting will never fail and the good news is they outgrow most of the behavior problems.
Lastly, don’t forget to pray. Ask God for an Ingenious way to handle a particular problem that has you stumped. Our God is a personal God who knows you and knows your child. Also pray with your child to over come a behavior problem. It will give you both Hope.
What do you think? E-mail Ellen (momsbestwisdom at yahoo dot com)
www@momsbestwisdom.com
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