Dear Moms,
Thanksgiving is coming, a day set aside to count our blessings. God’s word says, “IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS FOR THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS FOR YOU.” He also encourages, REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY CONSTANTLY, AND GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.” I guess God’s perfect will is that we have a grateful heart 365 days a year. We, moms, need to help our children to cultivate a thankful heart, as well. So how do we do that? First off, Mom, do you have a thankful heart yourself, even when it is not Thanksgiving? Remember a child is a mimic. They we will do what you do, quicker than they do what you say. What is coming out of your mouth mom? What is coming out of your child’s mouth mom? Secondly, another way to cultivate a thankful heart is to make the choice to guard your tongue and use positive parenting. An example of a positive parent with a thankful heart would be the following conversation, “THANK YOU FOR PICKING UP YOUR ROOM CARTER, IT LOOKS GREAT.” Remember mom all these principles are learned. They are usually learned thru repetition. Do not tire in the training process, once accomplished, it will bear good fruit .Remember to make the changes first in yourself. Pray, “LORD CHANGE ME.”
Thankfulness can not be demanded, because it must come from the heart, God’s Word says, “OUT OF THE ABUNDANCE OF THE HEART, THE MOUTH SPEAKS.” Thankfulness should be encouraged and taught. You will often hear a mom say, over and over again, “SAY THANK YOU, GRANT.” Soon Grant will be saying, “ MOMMY, YOU NEED TO SAY THANK YOU.” Is Grant being disrespectful? No, not at all. Grant is telling his mom, “ I’m listening , and I’m learning.” That is a time to rejoice greatly with Grant, and praising him highly. Do you know what that will cause Grant to do? He will want to say thank you more. In fact he will be looking actively for opportunities to thank you. It is similar to when they learn to say, “I LOVE YOU.” In a way your child is learning that there is power in their words, power to please.
Not only should your child learn how to thank people, but also how to thank God, Thanking God acts as a form of prayer. Be a good example mom. Thank God out loud when a prayer is answered. Start a new tradition, go around the diner table, thanking God for one thing each. Thanksgiving is a good time to start this tradition. You could even pass a glass of wine around the table, like we do, and each person is asked to take a sip and thank God for something. We call the challis where we put the wine, THE BLESSING CUP. There are a lot of ways to teach Thankfulness. We want our children to be grateful people. This habit, taught young, will serve them well their whole life. God loves a thankful heart, it opens one up for great blessings. I too love to be around a cheerful and thankful people. How about you? No one likes to be around a grumbler? When God’s people grumbled in the desert, what happened to them? Read Exodus? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend 40 days in the desert, and I don’t even think I like quail?
Many years ago I learned a way to pray that was quite helpful. It took the word ACTS and had a Key word for each letter. Here is the key words.
A---ADORATION
C---CONTRICITION
T---THANKSFULNESS
S---SUPPLICATION
Thankfulness is a very important part of a prayer time for a child as well as for an adult. If we teach our children to thank God more than we ask Him for things, it will become a habit. Thankfulness is also avery important part of everyday life. So mom, be the good example. This is a necessary and important, life lesson and character trait to learn. What are you going to thank God for today? What will you thank your child for today? Let me hear your feedback. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
Ellen at www.momsbestwisdom.com
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Jealousy 5
Dear Moms,
This is the last attempt I am going to make to give my wisdom and experience on the area of jealousy. I felt that the Lord put on my heart to write about this area of jealousy that you may not of thought of before. It comes in the form of a word of caution to us moms It is an insight I have, thru life experiences, of how we can avoid being a stumbling block to another mother, causing her to fall into the sin of jealousy. Now we would never purposely do this, of course. My hope that this awareness will help us to be sensitive to other mothers who may struggle in this area of jealousy.
Let‘s face it mom, when our child accomplishes a milestone in their life, we get excited. Yes, so excited that we want to tell the whole world You can hear a new mom say, “Oh my baby slept thru the night at six month old.” You can hear a toddler mom say, “At our house, we have NO MORE DIAPERS. Meghan is Potty Trained.” You can hear a Middle school mom exclaim, “Ryan got all A‘s on his report card.” You can even hear an older mom rejoice with, “My daughter is getting married.” Now you know that I am all about, REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE AND SORROW WITH THOSE WHO SORROW,” but some times this innocent rejoicing, can grow into boasting or bragging. Timing is everything mom Most moms are able to rejoice with you on your child‘s accomplishments, unless it is bad timing. If the conversation goes like this, “My baby is a year old and he is still not sleeping thru the night.” that is not the time to share how great a sleeper your newborn is. I who have had seven babies in a row who woke up every two hours for their first year of life, have trouble rejoicing with these moms. Instead the jealousy in me causes me to say, “You should write a book on how to get your newborn to sleep thru the night.” I sarcastically add, “I want to buy the first copy.” They then almost always add, “OH, it was nothing I did. They just started sleeping thru the night on their own.” Now those are just the encouraging words I need to chase the jealousy blue away. If at a girl talk coffee , one mom desperately comments, “Kevin, is still having accidents during the day and wets his bed almost every night. I don‘t know what to do?” That is not the time to mention you toilet trained Meghan in just one day. I‘m afraid that Kevin‘s mom is going to ask you to train him. She will say something like this, I‘d like to see you train Kevin in just one day“. She may even add, “I dare you ,” or better yet, ,”I‘ll pay you.” If a friend calls you crying because their daughter just flunked math, she doesn‘t want to hear how Ryan‘s name is on the honor roll all year. Lastly, if you have a friend whose child has a hard time finding a date, their excitement level will not be over the roof on your daughters engagement.
As Christians, we are taught to guard our tongue. Again timing is everything. Look at who your audience is as well. If its your mom, Brag on. Yet if it is a person who is struggling in the are you have succeeded, in it might be a good idea not to mention this good news at that time. I love good news, and I’m probably guilty of bragging a lot, so I am speaking to myself, as well as to you, moms. We need to learn like the scripture says, “HOW PRECIOUS IS A WORD SPOKEN IN DUE SEASON.” We need to speak words of life and words of healing. For instance, when I was frustrated over potty training my seventh child, over two,( even though all his siblings were trained on their two year old birthday,) a wise woman said, “Ellen, I can assure you, he will not go to kindergarten in diapers.” Even though I wasn’t too sure what she said was true, it did give me hope.
Now we are not responsible for how people are going to react to our good news, but we can be sensitive to others as we learn to listen between the lines. This is a good barometer, look at their response to our comment. The other barometer is the gift of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. If the Holy Spirit convicts you, be quick to forgive or ask forgiveness. It will keep the lines of communication open between you and others and between you and God. No we don’t ever want to be a stumbling block to any one.
Motherhood often finds us walking along an unknown path. We need to all realize that every child is unique and grows and develops at a different time lines. Learning not to compare your child to other children and even learning not to compare yourself to other mothers. This is my recipe for avoiding jealousy. God never compares u to any one. In fact,. He says, “YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE.” Begin to see yourself as God does, then you will have a lot to rejoice about. That knowledge alone should be enough to keep jealousy far from your heart. So let the GOOD NEWS ROLL.
ELLEN www.momsbestwisdom.com
This is the last attempt I am going to make to give my wisdom and experience on the area of jealousy. I felt that the Lord put on my heart to write about this area of jealousy that you may not of thought of before. It comes in the form of a word of caution to us moms It is an insight I have, thru life experiences, of how we can avoid being a stumbling block to another mother, causing her to fall into the sin of jealousy. Now we would never purposely do this, of course. My hope that this awareness will help us to be sensitive to other mothers who may struggle in this area of jealousy.
Let‘s face it mom, when our child accomplishes a milestone in their life, we get excited. Yes, so excited that we want to tell the whole world You can hear a new mom say, “Oh my baby slept thru the night at six month old.” You can hear a toddler mom say, “At our house, we have NO MORE DIAPERS. Meghan is Potty Trained.” You can hear a Middle school mom exclaim, “Ryan got all A‘s on his report card.” You can even hear an older mom rejoice with, “My daughter is getting married.” Now you know that I am all about, REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE AND SORROW WITH THOSE WHO SORROW,” but some times this innocent rejoicing, can grow into boasting or bragging. Timing is everything mom Most moms are able to rejoice with you on your child‘s accomplishments, unless it is bad timing. If the conversation goes like this, “My baby is a year old and he is still not sleeping thru the night.” that is not the time to share how great a sleeper your newborn is. I who have had seven babies in a row who woke up every two hours for their first year of life, have trouble rejoicing with these moms. Instead the jealousy in me causes me to say, “You should write a book on how to get your newborn to sleep thru the night.” I sarcastically add, “I want to buy the first copy.” They then almost always add, “OH, it was nothing I did. They just started sleeping thru the night on their own.” Now those are just the encouraging words I need to chase the jealousy blue away. If at a girl talk coffee , one mom desperately comments, “Kevin, is still having accidents during the day and wets his bed almost every night. I don‘t know what to do?” That is not the time to mention you toilet trained Meghan in just one day. I‘m afraid that Kevin‘s mom is going to ask you to train him. She will say something like this, I‘d like to see you train Kevin in just one day“. She may even add, “I dare you ,” or better yet, ,”I‘ll pay you.” If a friend calls you crying because their daughter just flunked math, she doesn‘t want to hear how Ryan‘s name is on the honor roll all year. Lastly, if you have a friend whose child has a hard time finding a date, their excitement level will not be over the roof on your daughters engagement.
As Christians, we are taught to guard our tongue. Again timing is everything. Look at who your audience is as well. If its your mom, Brag on. Yet if it is a person who is struggling in the are you have succeeded, in it might be a good idea not to mention this good news at that time. I love good news, and I’m probably guilty of bragging a lot, so I am speaking to myself, as well as to you, moms. We need to learn like the scripture says, “HOW PRECIOUS IS A WORD SPOKEN IN DUE SEASON.” We need to speak words of life and words of healing. For instance, when I was frustrated over potty training my seventh child, over two,( even though all his siblings were trained on their two year old birthday,) a wise woman said, “Ellen, I can assure you, he will not go to kindergarten in diapers.” Even though I wasn’t too sure what she said was true, it did give me hope.
Now we are not responsible for how people are going to react to our good news, but we can be sensitive to others as we learn to listen between the lines. This is a good barometer, look at their response to our comment. The other barometer is the gift of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. If the Holy Spirit convicts you, be quick to forgive or ask forgiveness. It will keep the lines of communication open between you and others and between you and God. No we don’t ever want to be a stumbling block to any one.
Motherhood often finds us walking along an unknown path. We need to all realize that every child is unique and grows and develops at a different time lines. Learning not to compare your child to other children and even learning not to compare yourself to other mothers. This is my recipe for avoiding jealousy. God never compares u to any one. In fact,. He says, “YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE.” Begin to see yourself as God does, then you will have a lot to rejoice about. That knowledge alone should be enough to keep jealousy far from your heart. So let the GOOD NEWS ROLL.
ELLEN www.momsbestwisdom.com
Jealousy 4
Dear Moms,
No one is really exempt from the jealousy monster. It can even attack us big people if we don‘t guard our hearts. You know how they say, “WHEN YOU GET OLDER, YOU TURN INTO YOUR MOTHER?” It is a true statement. You see as we age we begin to understand why our mom did things the way she did . Then we are able to forgive her, for things we judged her, and maybe even held bitterness toward her because of the way she raised us. How does this miracle of the heart come about? You see as we walk thru life circumstance, and yes mature, we begin to realize why she did things the way she did ,because we make the same decisions. .This healing of heart causes us to love and cherish our moms more .I think that it is a work of God.
I say all this because, when my mom was raising me, she had a late in life baby, my sister Julie. Julie, was raised as an only child because, she was so much younger than all the other siblings. Was Julie spoiled? Of course she was . Julie was given everything her heart desired. She received not only any material thing she wanted, but also, all my mom’s love and all my mom’s attention. As a sixteen year old child, when Julie was born, I couldn’t understand, this at all. You see when I was being raised, we never even had the money for a new dress. In fact we were so poor that my mom would actually take us to a store, look at Prom Dresses, draw the dress on a piece of paper, then go home an attempt to sew the dress. You can imagine what it looked like. I guess you could say I was jealous, because when Julie was the same age, she not only had the Prom Dress of her choice, but also competed in many, many Beauty Pageants. We all know the money it takes to be in a Beauty Pageant. This jealousy didn‘t stop Julie and I from growing into best friends. She was kind enough to pass all her clothes down to my daughters and I.
One day, as life went on, I found myself with a late in life baby myself. .Sean was a preemie, and was ill a lot. It seemed like every other week, but you know how us moms exaggerate and remember things big. I had to give Sean, a lot of my time and a lot of my attention, even though I had six other children living at home. To top it off, we had made the decision to put my children in Catholic School. The other children had been raised in Christian Community, where uniforms were the standard even on a High School level . What did that mean? It meant, the baby girl, our sixth child, Kaitlin, needed a fashion wardrobe. When raising the other children, because there were so many, there was never extra funds to buy even a new dress, no way was there a wardrobe fund. Remember, we all wore Julie’s hand me downs . Now with only three children at home, and not having to tithe to Christian Community, there was a lot of extra money, for our baby girl to buy the clothing desire of her heart. Do you see a pattern here. My mom was quick to point out, “ now do you see why Julie was given everything she wanted?” I had to admit I did. No you don‘t set out in parenting to give one child more than another, but circumstances change and people change. Life is God‘s way of changing us on the inside. I have to admit, as I got older, I turned into my mother. My mother who I had once judged and, yes held bitterness toward, I now understood. It helps to walk a mile in a person‘s shoes.. What about my other children? Is there any jealousy present? Of course there is, any one would be jealous in these circumstances. Being a Christian mother, as well as, having already walked this path before myself, I try extremely hard to make it up to them. I dote on their children, and try to visit frequently, serving my children in any way I can.. When I visit, we often do a shopping spree just for them, for no reason at all. For that short time, I encourage them to enjoy being the only child with all my love and all my attention. We both treasure this time together.
Now that I am older and wiser, I know that as life goes on in their life, and they become their mother, they too will understand, why I did things the way I did.. I guess you can say, ”IT’S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. What do you think moms?
Ellen www.momsbestwisdom.com
No one is really exempt from the jealousy monster. It can even attack us big people if we don‘t guard our hearts. You know how they say, “WHEN YOU GET OLDER, YOU TURN INTO YOUR MOTHER?” It is a true statement. You see as we age we begin to understand why our mom did things the way she did . Then we are able to forgive her, for things we judged her, and maybe even held bitterness toward her because of the way she raised us. How does this miracle of the heart come about? You see as we walk thru life circumstance, and yes mature, we begin to realize why she did things the way she did ,because we make the same decisions. .This healing of heart causes us to love and cherish our moms more .I think that it is a work of God.
I say all this because, when my mom was raising me, she had a late in life baby, my sister Julie. Julie, was raised as an only child because, she was so much younger than all the other siblings. Was Julie spoiled? Of course she was . Julie was given everything her heart desired. She received not only any material thing she wanted, but also, all my mom’s love and all my mom’s attention. As a sixteen year old child, when Julie was born, I couldn’t understand, this at all. You see when I was being raised, we never even had the money for a new dress. In fact we were so poor that my mom would actually take us to a store, look at Prom Dresses, draw the dress on a piece of paper, then go home an attempt to sew the dress. You can imagine what it looked like. I guess you could say I was jealous, because when Julie was the same age, she not only had the Prom Dress of her choice, but also competed in many, many Beauty Pageants. We all know the money it takes to be in a Beauty Pageant. This jealousy didn‘t stop Julie and I from growing into best friends. She was kind enough to pass all her clothes down to my daughters and I.
One day, as life went on, I found myself with a late in life baby myself. .Sean was a preemie, and was ill a lot. It seemed like every other week, but you know how us moms exaggerate and remember things big. I had to give Sean, a lot of my time and a lot of my attention, even though I had six other children living at home. To top it off, we had made the decision to put my children in Catholic School. The other children had been raised in Christian Community, where uniforms were the standard even on a High School level . What did that mean? It meant, the baby girl, our sixth child, Kaitlin, needed a fashion wardrobe. When raising the other children, because there were so many, there was never extra funds to buy even a new dress, no way was there a wardrobe fund. Remember, we all wore Julie’s hand me downs . Now with only three children at home, and not having to tithe to Christian Community, there was a lot of extra money, for our baby girl to buy the clothing desire of her heart. Do you see a pattern here. My mom was quick to point out, “ now do you see why Julie was given everything she wanted?” I had to admit I did. No you don‘t set out in parenting to give one child more than another, but circumstances change and people change. Life is God‘s way of changing us on the inside. I have to admit, as I got older, I turned into my mother. My mother who I had once judged and, yes held bitterness toward, I now understood. It helps to walk a mile in a person‘s shoes.. What about my other children? Is there any jealousy present? Of course there is, any one would be jealous in these circumstances. Being a Christian mother, as well as, having already walked this path before myself, I try extremely hard to make it up to them. I dote on their children, and try to visit frequently, serving my children in any way I can.. When I visit, we often do a shopping spree just for them, for no reason at all. For that short time, I encourage them to enjoy being the only child with all my love and all my attention. We both treasure this time together.
Now that I am older and wiser, I know that as life goes on in their life, and they become their mother, they too will understand, why I did things the way I did.. I guess you can say, ”IT’S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. What do you think moms?
Ellen www.momsbestwisdom.com
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Jealousy 3
Dear Moms,
We are discussing the topic of jealousy this week. One of the ways to assure that your child will have issues with jealousy, is for a parent to favor one child over another child. Another way to guarantee a jealousy problem between siblings is to treat one child harsher than the other children, or reject a child. Most times this is innocently done and the parent is not aware of their actions. At least, thinking the best of the parent, I sure hope not. You’d think, if a parent became aware of the fact that they were either favoring a child or, heaven forbid being harsh to a child or even rejecting a child, they would immediately repent and thus change their behavior. So how is it that this problem even exists? Some times parents are in denial and they are un able to see their own fault even when pointed out to them. Moms check your heart. Are you giving your children equal love and equal attention and equal encouragement? Another reason this happens is when one child gets on your nerves. You know the saying,” I have one nerve left and you are getting on it.” In other word most likely a personality conflict exists between mother and child. Mom that is no excuse, you are the adult and you need to, thru the grace of God, overcome this. My suggestion to you is take this child to God in prayer each day and ask God to change your heart. Ask God to change your child’s behavior. Ask God to reveal to you their good qualities and to help you accept them for the person they are, faults and all.
Another suggestion I can make comes from a suggestion I received from a friend. The reason I mention it, is that it bore such good fruit. One of her children not only got on her nerves, but also on her husband’s nerves as well. This was at a certain age in the child’s life, probably middle school,. We all know how tough puberty is. After brainstorming together, they came up with a game plan. They decided that every time they would pass by the child they would make a conscious effort to give the child a big hug followed by an encouraging word or a, “I LOVE YOU.” We all know from 1Cor.13 that, “LOVE NEVER FAILS.” This plan sure succeeded above and beyond their expectations. This child, now grown is a confident, well adjust, as well as , well liked individual. If you meet this child you’d probably guess that they were the parents favorite all along. These excellent parents, have succeeded in making all their children feel like they are the favorite. Now isn’t that just what God does to His children. He loves us all Best. That is our goal moms to love them all the Best.
I was fortunate enough that none of my children got on my nerves for very long. Oh, I had my days. Don’t we all. I did have the experience where other peoples children got on my nerves. This became quite a trial since we were the, “ kid friendly house,” where all the children hung out. Some times it was just a daily prayer matter and another opportunity to choose over my flesh. The good news was they didn’t live with me. God has a way of teaching us to love the unlovable. If you think about it some days some one is praying to God to help them love you. Yes, some days we are the unlovable. If we remember Jesus’ words, LET HE WITH NO SINS THROW THE FIRST STONE.” Then remember the price that Our Savior willing paid for our sins, we are some how able to cut our child a little slack, no matter how annoying they have been that day
There are a few examples in Scripture where parent played favorites. If you are interested, read the story of the twins Essua and Jacob,, in the book of Genesis. Their mother, Rebekeka loved Jacob, and yes favored him. Their father Isaac, found Essua to be the apple of his eye. You need to read the story yourself to see what fruit they bore for their in ability to give their twin boys equal love. The bible character Sarah , also found in Genesis was unable to love her step son Ishmael, like she loved her son Isaac. This not only caused problems for Ishmael, but also for his father Abraham and his birth mother Haggai as well. The bible is full of example of how to parent. We can learn what to do and what not to do if we study God’s word. I hope this has give you some food for thought.
Parenting, no one ever said it would be easy. Let me caution you, if you think that you child will not notice that you are favoring, treating them harshly or rejecting them, you are wrong. I think they are the first to notice even if you act that way for one day. Listen to your child, mom. Even if is not real to you it is real to them, so if they point it out or your spouse points it out, thank them and take it to prayer.
Jealousy can not be eliminated from our fallen human nature, but mom we surely don’t want to be the cause of leading our child into a sin that could become a life long habit pattern. So do your best to love one another equally, for, “Love is from God and those who love are form God, for God is love.”
That’s all from Ellen www.momsbestwisdom.com
We are discussing the topic of jealousy this week. One of the ways to assure that your child will have issues with jealousy, is for a parent to favor one child over another child. Another way to guarantee a jealousy problem between siblings is to treat one child harsher than the other children, or reject a child. Most times this is innocently done and the parent is not aware of their actions. At least, thinking the best of the parent, I sure hope not. You’d think, if a parent became aware of the fact that they were either favoring a child or, heaven forbid being harsh to a child or even rejecting a child, they would immediately repent and thus change their behavior. So how is it that this problem even exists? Some times parents are in denial and they are un able to see their own fault even when pointed out to them. Moms check your heart. Are you giving your children equal love and equal attention and equal encouragement? Another reason this happens is when one child gets on your nerves. You know the saying,” I have one nerve left and you are getting on it.” In other word most likely a personality conflict exists between mother and child. Mom that is no excuse, you are the adult and you need to, thru the grace of God, overcome this. My suggestion to you is take this child to God in prayer each day and ask God to change your heart. Ask God to change your child’s behavior. Ask God to reveal to you their good qualities and to help you accept them for the person they are, faults and all.
Another suggestion I can make comes from a suggestion I received from a friend. The reason I mention it, is that it bore such good fruit. One of her children not only got on her nerves, but also on her husband’s nerves as well. This was at a certain age in the child’s life, probably middle school,. We all know how tough puberty is. After brainstorming together, they came up with a game plan. They decided that every time they would pass by the child they would make a conscious effort to give the child a big hug followed by an encouraging word or a, “I LOVE YOU.” We all know from 1Cor.13 that, “LOVE NEVER FAILS.” This plan sure succeeded above and beyond their expectations. This child, now grown is a confident, well adjust, as well as , well liked individual. If you meet this child you’d probably guess that they were the parents favorite all along. These excellent parents, have succeeded in making all their children feel like they are the favorite. Now isn’t that just what God does to His children. He loves us all Best. That is our goal moms to love them all the Best.
I was fortunate enough that none of my children got on my nerves for very long. Oh, I had my days. Don’t we all. I did have the experience where other peoples children got on my nerves. This became quite a trial since we were the, “ kid friendly house,” where all the children hung out. Some times it was just a daily prayer matter and another opportunity to choose over my flesh. The good news was they didn’t live with me. God has a way of teaching us to love the unlovable. If you think about it some days some one is praying to God to help them love you. Yes, some days we are the unlovable. If we remember Jesus’ words, LET HE WITH NO SINS THROW THE FIRST STONE.” Then remember the price that Our Savior willing paid for our sins, we are some how able to cut our child a little slack, no matter how annoying they have been that day
There are a few examples in Scripture where parent played favorites. If you are interested, read the story of the twins Essua and Jacob,, in the book of Genesis. Their mother, Rebekeka loved Jacob, and yes favored him. Their father Isaac, found Essua to be the apple of his eye. You need to read the story yourself to see what fruit they bore for their in ability to give their twin boys equal love. The bible character Sarah , also found in Genesis was unable to love her step son Ishmael, like she loved her son Isaac. This not only caused problems for Ishmael, but also for his father Abraham and his birth mother Haggai as well. The bible is full of example of how to parent. We can learn what to do and what not to do if we study God’s word. I hope this has give you some food for thought.
Parenting, no one ever said it would be easy. Let me caution you, if you think that you child will not notice that you are favoring, treating them harshly or rejecting them, you are wrong. I think they are the first to notice even if you act that way for one day. Listen to your child, mom. Even if is not real to you it is real to them, so if they point it out or your spouse points it out, thank them and take it to prayer.
Jealousy can not be eliminated from our fallen human nature, but mom we surely don’t want to be the cause of leading our child into a sin that could become a life long habit pattern. So do your best to love one another equally, for, “Love is from God and those who love are form God, for God is love.”
That’s all from Ellen www.momsbestwisdom.com
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Jealousy 2
Dear Moms,
Jealousy is not limited to toddlers, although they are the most likely
Age group to voice their opinion about their jealousy issues, out loud. No, the truth is that any one, at any age can be known to fall into this sin. The only difference is that at two, they are not accountable, remember seven is said to be the age of accountability. Any one younger than seven is being trained to avoid sin and replace it with virtue. Scripture says, “REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE AND SORROW WITH THOSE WHO SORROW.” This is easier said than done, especially when someone is given an award, ,or a promotion, or a compliment, or even a coat of many colors, that we secretly hoped had been ours. Yes, the sin of jealousy is very evident in the Scriptures. Ask Joseph’s brothers how they felt when their father blessed Joseph alone with a coat of many colors. Wait a minute, you don’t have to ask them, the bible tells us that they were so jealous that they put him in the bottom of a well. Then had him sold into slavery. I guess you could say that they were jealous. It didn’t help any that Joseph boasted about his beautiful gift wearing it with pride, making sure all the brothers took note. We can first locate jealousy in Genesis, the very first book of the Bible. You see Cain was so jealous of his brother Able, when Abel’s gift pleased God more, that he killed Abel. Yes, jealousy, unrepented of can grow to murder. That is why moms, we need to be diligent to teach our children not only how to channel their anger and jealousy, but also how to learn the power and the freedom of forgiveness. We need to teach them also, how to rejoice when something good happens to one of their siblings.
One way we would accomplish this in our home and try to avoid jealousy was to try to always be there as a family for every event for each child. No matter how big or how small the happening was we were there to cheer, support. and encourage. This was no small task as we raised seven close together children, who were all very active and accomplished. None the less we tried, even if it meant eating dinner together in the bleachers of a Basketball Game, or dragging our newborn to an out of town soccer tournament and freezing our toes off. One thing that saved us was that our children were only allowed to participate in one activity per season. No one seemed to complain about going to a sibling’s event because, they knew that their siblings would be there in turn to support them. These events became our families main form of entertainment. A certain healthy, family pride replaced jealousy as we all cheered the family member on they made the winning goal, or shoot the final basket, or even walked down the homecoming court. All were present as one child graduated as valedictorian of her senior class. Way to go Amanda! There was definitely no jealousy there as all would agree, no one worked harder than Amanda.
This being there for your children is no fool proof guarantee that there will not be jealousy or disappointment. We actually have one child that believes we were never there for him. He has no recollection of the time and money we spent carpooling him and friends on his traveling soccer team. Don’t let your child’s opinion cause you to get down on yourself, you are the adult and most children are remembering with their sometime vague childhood memory. You of course lived along side their life as an adult.
Jealousy is one of those character defects that some people have a lot of trouble with and some people almost never have trouble with at all. My advice to you as a mom is try to form your child with a giving heart at their earliest formation, where they are able to be happy when others are blessed. It will serve them well their entire life. It is harder to un learn a character flaw as an adult, than to learn a virtue as a young child. If you have a child over seven that tend to wallow in jealousy and self pity, work against it by finding opportunities for them to bless others without expecting any thing in return. If their focus is directed on others rather than themselves, they can’t help but chase all jealousy away. Just like there is always some one who has more than you, there is always someone who has less. Teach your child to be that person who looks to make a different instead of looking to get a pat on the back. That knowledge of pleasing the Lord Jesus and that inner satisfaction of a deed well done, will out way the tempory pleasure of being acknowledged. Teach them that we live our life for an audience of one and He will reward us for a job well done. As my son Sean says, “OUR REWARD IS NOT ON THIS EARTH. OUR REWARD IS IN HEAVEN.” We want to hear one voice say, “WELL DONE YOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT,” and that is the voice of our God.
Lastly, food for thought. My sister Julie was at a birthday party with her son when I called her yesterday. This birthday boy age 10 was opting to have a Toys For Tots party, instead of a party for himself. It was a huge celebration and apparenting a yearly event. I for our not only want to meet this young man but also the parents that are raising him. No jealousy resides in his camp as he welcomes gifts to bless others, instead of himself. I have to say , “WELL DONE YOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT.” May God Bless your day. Ellen www.momsbestwisdom.com
Jealousy is not limited to toddlers, although they are the most likely
Age group to voice their opinion about their jealousy issues, out loud. No, the truth is that any one, at any age can be known to fall into this sin. The only difference is that at two, they are not accountable, remember seven is said to be the age of accountability. Any one younger than seven is being trained to avoid sin and replace it with virtue. Scripture says, “REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE AND SORROW WITH THOSE WHO SORROW.” This is easier said than done, especially when someone is given an award, ,or a promotion, or a compliment, or even a coat of many colors, that we secretly hoped had been ours. Yes, the sin of jealousy is very evident in the Scriptures. Ask Joseph’s brothers how they felt when their father blessed Joseph alone with a coat of many colors. Wait a minute, you don’t have to ask them, the bible tells us that they were so jealous that they put him in the bottom of a well. Then had him sold into slavery. I guess you could say that they were jealous. It didn’t help any that Joseph boasted about his beautiful gift wearing it with pride, making sure all the brothers took note. We can first locate jealousy in Genesis, the very first book of the Bible. You see Cain was so jealous of his brother Able, when Abel’s gift pleased God more, that he killed Abel. Yes, jealousy, unrepented of can grow to murder. That is why moms, we need to be diligent to teach our children not only how to channel their anger and jealousy, but also how to learn the power and the freedom of forgiveness. We need to teach them also, how to rejoice when something good happens to one of their siblings.
One way we would accomplish this in our home and try to avoid jealousy was to try to always be there as a family for every event for each child. No matter how big or how small the happening was we were there to cheer, support. and encourage. This was no small task as we raised seven close together children, who were all very active and accomplished. None the less we tried, even if it meant eating dinner together in the bleachers of a Basketball Game, or dragging our newborn to an out of town soccer tournament and freezing our toes off. One thing that saved us was that our children were only allowed to participate in one activity per season. No one seemed to complain about going to a sibling’s event because, they knew that their siblings would be there in turn to support them. These events became our families main form of entertainment. A certain healthy, family pride replaced jealousy as we all cheered the family member on they made the winning goal, or shoot the final basket, or even walked down the homecoming court. All were present as one child graduated as valedictorian of her senior class. Way to go Amanda! There was definitely no jealousy there as all would agree, no one worked harder than Amanda.
This being there for your children is no fool proof guarantee that there will not be jealousy or disappointment. We actually have one child that believes we were never there for him. He has no recollection of the time and money we spent carpooling him and friends on his traveling soccer team. Don’t let your child’s opinion cause you to get down on yourself, you are the adult and most children are remembering with their sometime vague childhood memory. You of course lived along side their life as an adult.
Jealousy is one of those character defects that some people have a lot of trouble with and some people almost never have trouble with at all. My advice to you as a mom is try to form your child with a giving heart at their earliest formation, where they are able to be happy when others are blessed. It will serve them well their entire life. It is harder to un learn a character flaw as an adult, than to learn a virtue as a young child. If you have a child over seven that tend to wallow in jealousy and self pity, work against it by finding opportunities for them to bless others without expecting any thing in return. If their focus is directed on others rather than themselves, they can’t help but chase all jealousy away. Just like there is always some one who has more than you, there is always someone who has less. Teach your child to be that person who looks to make a different instead of looking to get a pat on the back. That knowledge of pleasing the Lord Jesus and that inner satisfaction of a deed well done, will out way the tempory pleasure of being acknowledged. Teach them that we live our life for an audience of one and He will reward us for a job well done. As my son Sean says, “OUR REWARD IS NOT ON THIS EARTH. OUR REWARD IS IN HEAVEN.” We want to hear one voice say, “WELL DONE YOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT,” and that is the voice of our God.
Lastly, food for thought. My sister Julie was at a birthday party with her son when I called her yesterday. This birthday boy age 10 was opting to have a Toys For Tots party, instead of a party for himself. It was a huge celebration and apparenting a yearly event. I for our not only want to meet this young man but also the parents that are raising him. No jealousy resides in his camp as he welcomes gifts to bless others, instead of himself. I have to say , “WELL DONE YOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT.” May God Bless your day. Ellen www.momsbestwisdom.com
Jealousy
Dear Moms,
Upon the request of my daughter, who just ushered in a new baby into her family, joining a two year old sibling, I’ve chosen the topic of jealousy. What a great topic. Jealousy is real at any age, especially to a toddler who is welcoming a new brother or sister. I for one, just like all of you moms out there tried very, very hard to make all the children feel equal love and equal acceptance, I have to admit, even with the best of efforts, some jealousy is going to occur. In fact, I believe it is a natural and yes needed stage of development, that you would rather they voice , and yes act out , immediately after the new baby arrives, rather than suppress and show later on. The jealousy is going to come out in some form, it is not a question of if, but rather a question of when and a question of how. It is as normal as temper-tantrums for two year olds and rebellion for teens.
What causes jealousy to occur? Most toddlers feel that they are the center of the universe, the whole universe. And in their two year old mind the whole universe is their home, their mommy and their daddy. When the new baby joins the family, with all their God- given cuteness and yes total dependence on mom as well, it turns our little toddlers world upside down. As much as mom and dad try to live their lives business as usual, it is anything but usual. Babies change everything, your time, is no longer your own for one , especially if you are nursing your newborn. You, mom are recovering from a birth, which is no small thing even if your labor was short like mine. You, mom are also adjusting to being a full time caregiver to this new life, while at the same time balancing your old life. You have added a lot of extra responsibility, yet subtracted no extra responsibility. To add to the mix, you are surviving on little or even no sleep. If your babies are like my newborns, there is a lot of crying going on at your house. It’s not all newborn tears either, if you are a normal mom, you’ve shed a tear or two too. Add a temper- tantrum toddler to the mix and let’s face it, some days, you are just over the top. So what is a mother to do?
Some things in motherhood have easy answers, some do not. Jealousy is not any easy problem to overcome, it takes a lot of patience and a lot of time. The main concept that you have to get across to the siblings ,no matter what their age, is that mommy and daddy have enough love to go around to them all. The other concept that you have to get across is that the new baby can never replace them. How do you do that you might ask? I can tell you some things I did to ease in their adjustment.
1. I made a conscience effort to make them a part of the babies life as soon as possible. I actually can home from the hospital an hour after giving birth because my husband is a physician. The new sibling was introduced immediately.
2. The baby came bearing gifts for the siblings.
3. I let all the children hold the baby immediately and upon request.
4. When the children were in the room I gave them attention and not the baby.
5. I would let my husband hold the baby so I had two arms free for my toddler.
6.I always had my newborn in the snuggly so that I could pay attention and meet the needs of all the family members.
7. I would set aside a certain time each day to do a special project or outing with the toddler.
8. I would read to the toddler at night while my husband held the baby.
9. I would encourage the toddler to take an active part in caring for the newborn like going to get the diapers, picking out clothes for the Baby to wear , and I would be sure and praise them for their efforts.
10. I would encourage them like, “our baby does cry a lot, that makes me sad, “Or If they said, “ I wish our baby would go away, “I would say, them you would miss her. She is going to grow up one day and play with you, won’t that be fun?
11. If at all possible I would take the toddler on a Outing without the baby, leaving the baby home with dad..
12. I would market the Big Girl Or Big boy theme, “Wow, you are great Lego builder, that’s because you are a big boy.” Or let’s play dress up and put on make up because you are a big girl. Babies can’t do fun stuff like that.” Or let’s bake together and eat cookies” “Babies can’t do that, they don’t have teeth.”
13. Lastly , I would market the fact of how much the baby love them. Look He smiled at you, he sure loves his big brother.
Mom, with a little bit of extra TLC time, a lot of extra patience and a healthy dose of love mixed with a lot of creativity that God will inspire this normal phase of development will pass. God will see you thru and you probably, like labor will not even remember it.
It’s Ellen. www,momsbestwisdom.com
Upon the request of my daughter, who just ushered in a new baby into her family, joining a two year old sibling, I’ve chosen the topic of jealousy. What a great topic. Jealousy is real at any age, especially to a toddler who is welcoming a new brother or sister. I for one, just like all of you moms out there tried very, very hard to make all the children feel equal love and equal acceptance, I have to admit, even with the best of efforts, some jealousy is going to occur. In fact, I believe it is a natural and yes needed stage of development, that you would rather they voice , and yes act out , immediately after the new baby arrives, rather than suppress and show later on. The jealousy is going to come out in some form, it is not a question of if, but rather a question of when and a question of how. It is as normal as temper-tantrums for two year olds and rebellion for teens.
What causes jealousy to occur? Most toddlers feel that they are the center of the universe, the whole universe. And in their two year old mind the whole universe is their home, their mommy and their daddy. When the new baby joins the family, with all their God- given cuteness and yes total dependence on mom as well, it turns our little toddlers world upside down. As much as mom and dad try to live their lives business as usual, it is anything but usual. Babies change everything, your time, is no longer your own for one , especially if you are nursing your newborn. You, mom are recovering from a birth, which is no small thing even if your labor was short like mine. You, mom are also adjusting to being a full time caregiver to this new life, while at the same time balancing your old life. You have added a lot of extra responsibility, yet subtracted no extra responsibility. To add to the mix, you are surviving on little or even no sleep. If your babies are like my newborns, there is a lot of crying going on at your house. It’s not all newborn tears either, if you are a normal mom, you’ve shed a tear or two too. Add a temper- tantrum toddler to the mix and let’s face it, some days, you are just over the top. So what is a mother to do?
Some things in motherhood have easy answers, some do not. Jealousy is not any easy problem to overcome, it takes a lot of patience and a lot of time. The main concept that you have to get across to the siblings ,no matter what their age, is that mommy and daddy have enough love to go around to them all. The other concept that you have to get across is that the new baby can never replace them. How do you do that you might ask? I can tell you some things I did to ease in their adjustment.
1. I made a conscience effort to make them a part of the babies life as soon as possible. I actually can home from the hospital an hour after giving birth because my husband is a physician. The new sibling was introduced immediately.
2. The baby came bearing gifts for the siblings.
3. I let all the children hold the baby immediately and upon request.
4. When the children were in the room I gave them attention and not the baby.
5. I would let my husband hold the baby so I had two arms free for my toddler.
6.I always had my newborn in the snuggly so that I could pay attention and meet the needs of all the family members.
7. I would set aside a certain time each day to do a special project or outing with the toddler.
8. I would read to the toddler at night while my husband held the baby.
9. I would encourage the toddler to take an active part in caring for the newborn like going to get the diapers, picking out clothes for the Baby to wear , and I would be sure and praise them for their efforts.
10. I would encourage them like, “our baby does cry a lot, that makes me sad, “Or If they said, “ I wish our baby would go away, “I would say, them you would miss her. She is going to grow up one day and play with you, won’t that be fun?
11. If at all possible I would take the toddler on a Outing without the baby, leaving the baby home with dad..
12. I would market the Big Girl Or Big boy theme, “Wow, you are great Lego builder, that’s because you are a big boy.” Or let’s play dress up and put on make up because you are a big girl. Babies can’t do fun stuff like that.” Or let’s bake together and eat cookies” “Babies can’t do that, they don’t have teeth.”
13. Lastly , I would market the fact of how much the baby love them. Look He smiled at you, he sure loves his big brother.
Mom, with a little bit of extra TLC time, a lot of extra patience and a healthy dose of love mixed with a lot of creativity that God will inspire this normal phase of development will pass. God will see you thru and you probably, like labor will not even remember it.
It’s Ellen. www,momsbestwisdom.com
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
E is for Encourage
Dear Moms,
Once again we are at the finish line. This time on our subject of Discipline. The final key letter being E for ENCOURAGE. I know we touched on this on one of the other sections, but I can’t stress enough just how important Encouragement is in the area of discipline. If you remember we discipline our children to get them to change a particular behavior, that is the goal of discipline. Not to harm our children, not to blow off steam, not even to get them to stop doing things that just annoy you. Remember God says to, “TRAIN UP YOUR CHILD IN THE WAY OF THE LORD.” Loving disciplining you child teaches them to choose righteous, Godly behavior, over sin. It teaches them to be form by the principles of the Bible and how to walk in the ways of the Lord our God .Sometimes a punishment is extremely effective in changing a child’s behavior, sometimes it is not. We must do what works.
Encouraging a child can be very effective in changing a child’s behavior, especially if your child is a people pleaser. Many children are so willing to please their parents that they will do anything it takes to get their parent attention of praise. These children love encouragement, and positive attention. This is a parent’ s compliant child, usually. That is why it is a must for parents to get to know each child individually. As we said, “WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR COMPLIANT CHILD, MOST LIKELY WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU STRONG WILLED CHILD. If you child changes his behavior because of Praise and Encouragement, give them a daily dose of just that and lots of it. I promise you, your friends and neighbors will all be jealous and beg you to tell them your secret. They may even ask you to write a book on the subject. Before your head gets to swelled up, take it from me, it is the child, not necessarily the parenting skills. The secret, I can tell you , “IT IS BY THE GRACE OF GOD.” Praise still by far is my favorite form of discipline. It is always my first choice in trying to change a particular behavior. The truth is, like any thing else, it will not work with every child.
If you child is strong willed, it will require stronger measures of discipline on your part. Some strong willed children actually like the negative attention of hearing you raise your voice, or punishing them. They may be known to try to get your goat on many occasion, daily if possible. I heard a Preacher say, “THEY CAN ONLY GET YOUR GOAT IF YOU HAVE A GOAT TO GET.” Do you have a goat to get, mom. In the same way, they can only push your buttons, if you have buttons to push. Mom keep your goat and your buttons under the authority of Jesus Christ and under the control of the Holy Spirit. Not only does your child need daily encouragement, but so do you mom. You need the Encouragement that only God can give. Don’t be surprised mom if God is using encouragement in you life to change your behavior as well. God is the perfect parent and a wise parent .Let us copy our Creator. Let us be imitators of Christ. Yes, we must encourage our children daily. Sometimes it will work and sometimes it will not work, but never mom stop encouraging.
I believe that the words said to our children, help to form their self image. We want our children to have a positive self image. Use your words wisely, for once said, you cannot take them back. Words wrongly spoken, wound, sometimes they wound deep. Protect your child, do not crush their spirit. Train yourself to as James says in the Bible, “ BE QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO ANGER.” Be like the proverbs 31 Woman, “AND THE LAW OF KINDNESS WAS ON HER LIPS.”
ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER IN THE LORD,” the Bible tells you so. Mom start with those little children that God entrusted in your care to form into soldiers for the army of God.
Mom Discipline, when you break the word down one letter at a time, it doesn’t seem all that hard to do. I’ve given you some tools, have they been helpful? What would you add. E-Mail me Ellen. www.momsbestwisdom.com
Once again we are at the finish line. This time on our subject of Discipline. The final key letter being E for ENCOURAGE. I know we touched on this on one of the other sections, but I can’t stress enough just how important Encouragement is in the area of discipline. If you remember we discipline our children to get them to change a particular behavior, that is the goal of discipline. Not to harm our children, not to blow off steam, not even to get them to stop doing things that just annoy you. Remember God says to, “TRAIN UP YOUR CHILD IN THE WAY OF THE LORD.” Loving disciplining you child teaches them to choose righteous, Godly behavior, over sin. It teaches them to be form by the principles of the Bible and how to walk in the ways of the Lord our God .Sometimes a punishment is extremely effective in changing a child’s behavior, sometimes it is not. We must do what works.
Encouraging a child can be very effective in changing a child’s behavior, especially if your child is a people pleaser. Many children are so willing to please their parents that they will do anything it takes to get their parent attention of praise. These children love encouragement, and positive attention. This is a parent’ s compliant child, usually. That is why it is a must for parents to get to know each child individually. As we said, “WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR COMPLIANT CHILD, MOST LIKELY WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU STRONG WILLED CHILD. If you child changes his behavior because of Praise and Encouragement, give them a daily dose of just that and lots of it. I promise you, your friends and neighbors will all be jealous and beg you to tell them your secret. They may even ask you to write a book on the subject. Before your head gets to swelled up, take it from me, it is the child, not necessarily the parenting skills. The secret, I can tell you , “IT IS BY THE GRACE OF GOD.” Praise still by far is my favorite form of discipline. It is always my first choice in trying to change a particular behavior. The truth is, like any thing else, it will not work with every child.
If you child is strong willed, it will require stronger measures of discipline on your part. Some strong willed children actually like the negative attention of hearing you raise your voice, or punishing them. They may be known to try to get your goat on many occasion, daily if possible. I heard a Preacher say, “THEY CAN ONLY GET YOUR GOAT IF YOU HAVE A GOAT TO GET.” Do you have a goat to get, mom. In the same way, they can only push your buttons, if you have buttons to push. Mom keep your goat and your buttons under the authority of Jesus Christ and under the control of the Holy Spirit. Not only does your child need daily encouragement, but so do you mom. You need the Encouragement that only God can give. Don’t be surprised mom if God is using encouragement in you life to change your behavior as well. God is the perfect parent and a wise parent .Let us copy our Creator. Let us be imitators of Christ. Yes, we must encourage our children daily. Sometimes it will work and sometimes it will not work, but never mom stop encouraging.
I believe that the words said to our children, help to form their self image. We want our children to have a positive self image. Use your words wisely, for once said, you cannot take them back. Words wrongly spoken, wound, sometimes they wound deep. Protect your child, do not crush their spirit. Train yourself to as James says in the Bible, “ BE QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO ANGER.” Be like the proverbs 31 Woman, “AND THE LAW OF KINDNESS WAS ON HER LIPS.”
ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER IN THE LORD,” the Bible tells you so. Mom start with those little children that God entrusted in your care to form into soldiers for the army of God.
Mom Discipline, when you break the word down one letter at a time, it doesn’t seem all that hard to do. I’ve given you some tools, have they been helpful? What would you add. E-Mail me Ellen. www.momsbestwisdom.com
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