Monday, June 22, 2009

My Baby Boy

Dear Moms,
Today is my baby boys’ birthday. I guess you could say, he definitely is not a baby any more, in fact, today Sean Kevin Chase Mongan is 18 years old. In honor of his eighteenth birthday, I am going to post the last, life lessons. Last, but not least, our seventh child.
When God took our 8th baby Zachary home, after only two hours old, Sean became the baby of our family forever. Zachary was born full term, but none of us knew, how short his time with us would be. I will attest, that everyone’s life in our family was affected by Zachary’s death. The affect was both positive , as well as negative. In Sean’s case, the biggest negative affect, was that, I had, a “Mother’s Heart,” yet no baby to hold,. I gave Sean way too much motherly help, as well as, way too much attention. Instead of calling Sean on to maturity, to learn and to do things himself, like I did with the other children, I was always at Sean’s beck and call. In other words I enabled him. One of the benefits of a large family, as many of you all know, is the ability of raising very confident, responsible, and capable children . Sean was being robbed of this, and I was unaware that this was even occurring.
To top it off, Sean, being a pre-mature baby, was a sickly child. Yes, for the first thirteen years, of his life, it was very common for Sean to be home from school, every other week., with a fever, an upper repertory sickness or vomiting. It was very hard for him and extremely hard on me. On the positive side, I grew in compassion, and Sean in perseverance. Sean being a good suffer, never complained.
Now for he good news, God being God, who definitely has a calling on Sean’s life, was not going to let an over attentive mother, rob her child of virtue and grace. God intervened. My husband Pat, answered God’s call to become a deacon in our Catholic Church, when Sean was in the seventh grade. What did that mean? It meant that my husband and I would go out of town , one weekend a month , to study, for five years total. It was just what the doctor ordered for a woman and man with seven close together children. Yes, my husband, Pat, a Family Practice Physician was ready, to hang up his stethoscope, to take the Sacrament of Holy Orders. He was preparing to pour his whole life into serving the church, moving towards full time ministry. Thus, Pat’s second career., was birthed. When Sean entered high school, he found himself, “home alone,” one weekend a month. I began to coin a phrase, “Sean is raising himself, and he’s doing a great job.” He rose to the occasion, never complained, taught himself to cook, and when in doubt, ordered pizza. He made us proud, as he showed himself, not only to be responsible, but also, trustworthy. We hold these two virtues in high esteem in our home.
Another way God helped this over attentive mom out was by giving us grandchildren. I was able to nurture them, take my eyes off Sean. Sean showed himself as a very caring and fun uncle. I think, that all of the nieces and nephews, think of Sean as their favorite uncle.
On March 16, 2009, Pat and I welcomed our seventh grandchild, Ashlyn Hope to the family. Our plan was to leave immediately for Merritt Island, Florida, a soon as we heard the word, “labor and delivery. “ When I woke up that morning , I was surprised to see Sean laying on the bathroom floor, pale as can be. He said, “Mom, I feel sick, and I threw up eight times.” As I felt his head, I knew that he had a fever, as well. My husband and I weighted our options, packed slowly, and hoped for a miracle. Then after begging every family member to come be his nurse, and finding no one available, I stationed an angel to guard and take care of our seventeen year old son. With all the compassion of a mother’s heart, I asked , “ Sean are you going to be alright?” His response, showed forth the maturity that God had been working in him all along. Sean said, “Mom, I know that I am not your only child.” As I walked out the door, I prayed a pray of thanksgiving to Jesus, for the Man Of God Sean had become. Tears welled up in my eyes, as I learned a lesson as a mom that I will never forget. “Unless the Lord builds the house, you labor in vain to build it. God had housed a character full of virtue and selfless love in Sean’s heart, when I wasn’t even looking. A character that he took to Hawaii, a couple of weeks ago after high school graduation. Sean, didn’t go alone, God is with him and even though we miss him on this his eighteenth birthday, what better hands can he be in , than the palm of God’s hands.
Sean, the baby of seven children, who could have become a spoiled brat, has proven to me, that you can not spoil with love and attention. God is in control. Truly, Sean has a calling on his life.
Mom be the best mom you can be. Pray fervently and entrust them to God daily. He will fill in the gaps. That’s all for www.momsbestwisdom.com
As always,
Ellen

Monday, June 8, 2009

Postpartum Depression

Dear Moms,
It is very common for a new mother to feel some depression during the first few weeks after having a baby. I, myself, had post partum depression, with four of my eight children. They may complain of weepiness, mood swings, sadness, or even nervousness. The bout of baby blues is usually related to hormone swings. It may even occur later because of the stress, as well as the changes associated with having a new baby. I wanted to give some practical wisdom that one can do when faced with post partum depression:
1. Go see a doctor. If medicine helps, thank God for it.
2. Eat right (five basic food groups and especially protein) Remember that, “The body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. “ Take care of it.
3. Get plenty of rest (nap if necessary). The word of God says, “He gives His beloved a good night sleep.”(Proverbs 3)
4. Get a Spiritual Director in the form of a Titus 2, Older Woman, who listens, understands and has been there. In other words she has done the journey that you are walking on. Talk it out. Get problems and worry off your chest. Together pray. “Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you.”
5. Take one hour a day for “me time, “doing what you like to do. Rest, relax, and restore. “Love your neighbor as yourself. “
6. Take a date night with you and your husband. The two shall become one. (Genesis 2:24) Avoid talking about your situation on the date night, but rather enjoy one another. Keep it lighthearted and fun.
7. Pray if you are able, but if you can't pray know that others are standing in the gap for you. 8. Receive the Sacraments often; they are grace for your soul.
9. Spend time with Jesus in the Adoration Chapel, just sit at the foot of the Cross with Him and don't say a word.
10. Get someone to come over and help you. Many hands make light work. (A maid, a mother or a friend)
11. Get around people. Find a mom's support group of caring friends (MOPS or Mom's Club)
13. Exercise, even if you do not feel like it. It will lift your spirits. Find the flavor of exercise that you enjoy. Make a commitment to exercise at least three times a week.
14. Fix yourself up. Get a new outfit, a new hairdo, or even a pedicure. This will help to boast your self esteem which always suffers during a depression.
15. Guard your friendships. Get around positive people who will pull you up, rather than drag you down.
16. Plan a trip with your husband or your family. Focus on the detail, rather than your problems.
17. Get a new hobby, join a new class, make a new friend, and join a new ministry.
18. Do something for others. Make a meal for a new mom. Serve at the soup kitchen. Tutor a child.
19, Accept the things you cannot change. Change the things you can. Have the wisdom to know the difference.
20. Remember this too shall pass. One wise woman once told me, "that sometimes it is Ok to put one foot in front of the other and not even smile, but just make it thru the day. God understands and He loves you.” These two sentences freed me up, because she had done the journey that I was on.

Any of these suggestions may help, but it is possible they may also make things worse. So, if you experience more stress or depression with any of them, then obviously you should not do them. If the symptoms of depression are mild you may not need to see a Dr., but if you have any thoughts of harming yourself or family, then you must see your doctor. Above all do not take it out on your baby. If you cannot cope, call for help. Scripture says, “A woman is saved thru childbirth.” This bundle of joy we receive from God teaches us to lay down our lives daily, while God is giving us the grace to do it. The sacrifices we make, form us into the image of Our Savior Jesus Christ. We as moms, bear patiently with sleepless nights, spit up on our blouses, very little time for our self, endless patience and many more daily sacrifices done in love. The rewards however, outweigh the sacrifice given: the first smile, the baby’s first step taken, the first time our baby says “Mama,” brings joy to our heart. Babies will truly win your heart and we will know what God meant by a “Mother‘s Heart.”