Honoring Your Husband

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Taking Care of Your Home

Dear Moms,

To some, this will be the least favorite of all the areas to balance in your life; nonetheless, it is God’s will that we keep a clean, orderly home. It will bring peace to your life as well as to the lives of your family members. Order brings peace. Your home must come fourth in your priority list. Mom, you know that your life is out of balance when your home is falling apart. I’m not just talking about those dusty end tables that have been calling your name for two weeks. Is your home peaceful and organized? Many times, women serve outside the home because it makes them feel loved and appreciated. After all, when was the last time someone thanked you for cleaning your toilets? I’m all for appreciation. Sometimes, Mom, we feel like housework is a thankless job. The key to being fulfilled daily in housework is to do as the Bible says “Do all as unto the Lord, not for men." Never do you need this Scripture more than on cleaning day!

Yes, but we all know deep in our hearts, that God’s best is for us is to put our home first. Then if your home is running smoothly, then and only then, are you free to serve outside the home. Some people believe that the sacrifice is to leave your house undone and help someone else with their needs. This, except in the case of an emergency, is just not true. The greater sacrifice is to clean up your own house; trust me on this one. I have a dear friend that is always asking for prayers that she can get her home in order. On many occasions, I just blurt out, “I’ve got an inventive idea; stay home and clean it.” I gently add, “The angels will help you, but you actually have to be there for them to do that, my friend.”

Change is difficult, so here are ten tips to get you moving in the forward direction toward order in the home. Keep in mind, I’m a little like the character MONICA, on the TV sitcom FRIENDS, so bear with me patiently, for you may very well be the opposite extreme. Remember, “THEREFORE THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS.”

1. Never leave the house without picking it up with the exception of carpools. I know I was a carpool mom, and the house takes second to carpools because the children come first.
2. Start in one room and finish that room. Room hopping causes confusion.
3. Take a laundry basket and put all item that belong elsewhere in it. Later put all items away.
4. Do heavy cleaning all in one day, once a week if possible.
5. Grocery shop from a list. Go grocery shopping once a week. It helps to make out weekly menus.
6. Delegate the chores, using your assets, your children.
7. Call a Saturday work party weekly. Have a list ready for your husband and your children.
8. Use a day timer. Make a weekly list, a monthly list, and a yearly list and. Refer to it often.
9. Run errands all in one day. It’s a time saver.
10. Put away laundry the day you do it.
11. Aim to never leave dishes in the sink or clothes not put away or beds unmade.
12. Start the day in prayer. Ask God to help you to be a planned, yet flexible person.

An orderly house is a peaceful house, and one your children and your husband will love to come home to, so make that your aim. Good habits, once formed, will serve you well. When all else fails, hire a maid. It was a need for us when I was raising seven children. Now, it is a luxury, which gives me time to write. The truth is, even with Ella cleaning, who is like part of the family, since she has worked for us nearly twenty years, there is still plenty to do. Mom, a Proverbs 31 Woman doesn‘t happen overnight; it takes years to grow into this barely attainable goal. Never forget, "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME," then get out that toilet wand and see if anyone thanks you for cleaning them!
Have questions or something to add? Leave a comment or send an e-mail!
Ellen

Your Children

Dear Moms,

Did you ever see a clown do a balancing act? Just when they get two plates going the third plate falls to the ground. How many of us feel like that clown some days, especially if it is a Monday or summertime? The key to keeping those plates in the air is a lot of prayer! In other words, if you want to give attention to where attention is needed, you have to learn to depend on God’s direction. I’ll let you in on a little secret, NO ONE CAN DO IT ALL ON THEIR OWN STRENGTH--no, there are no SUPER WOMEN OR SUPER MOMS. Without God, it can’t be done, especially for the woman living in the 2000’s. Yet, we all agree there is a lot to do. So start your days in prayer. Then. ask God to order your days. Yes, commit your days to the Lord and He will see you through.

God first, Husbands second, Children third, I believe is God’s order for a Christian woman. So what are some practical ways to put your children third?
1. Treat them as a Blessing, not as a burden.
2. Pray with them daily, taking every opportunity you can to lead them to Christ and to know God’s Word.
3. Form them in Godly character. Virtue is even being taught in schools, at least here in Georgia. Encourage the virtues they are learning in school.
4. Teach them life skills. Cooking, cleaning, hygiene, money sense, parenting skills, the beauty of sexuality in the context of marriage are all things they should be learning from you.
5. Spend time with your children.
6. Make memories and form family traditions.
7. Listen to them, and really hear them, even if it is the hundredth time they have said, “AND YOU KNOW WHAT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT,”
8. Encourage them daily.
9. Give Godly wisdom when asked, and avoid giving just your opinion.
10. As the Proverbs Woman states, “KEEP THE LAW OF KINDNESS ON YOUR LIPS.”

Remember every parent is different, and as well, every child is different. What works for one person may not work for another. That’s why we need Jesus, our personal Savior, to guide us for what is best for our uniquely, individual lives. I don’t have all the answers either; that’s what keeps me on my knees before the throne of God, because He does have all the answers. There are going to be days when we blow up or get frustrated. These are the days that we beg God for forgiveness and our child as well. I know that both are waiting with open arms to love you back into their lives and forgive you unconditionally. Take a moment now to search your heart and see if you need to talk to your child or your God.

Now Mom, get those plates out--God first, Husband second, and Children third, and try once again to do the balancing act. I know one thing: it will take a lot of practice. If we listen to the Holy Spirit deep in our hearts, obey His voice, and learn to walk in His grace, I’m convinced, it can be done. REMEMBER MOM-----PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT------AND NEVER STOP TRYING. God’s grace is always sufficient; the Bible tells us so.

That’s all for today. As always Ask Ellen, I love to give my opinion, and I will pray that it will be Godly.

ELLEN

Your Husband

Dear Moms,

Everyone knows that if you are to have a balanced life your husband has to come first, next to God, of course. If you are a single parent, my hat is off to you. God promises in His word that He would take care of widows and orphans. He will indeed be your husband as you depend totally on Him. However, for those of us who are married, I have some advice for you. In my dental office there is a plaque that reads, "Ignore your teeth and they will go away." Think about this, ignore your husband and he will go away, as well. Most people who are divorced will say, “WE JUST GREW APART.” Ladies, marriage is one of those parts of your life that you have to work on daily. Then, you grow together and not apart. My husband and I teach Engaged weekend at our Catholic church for those couples seeking to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony. We teach and we believe in the fact that the couple comes ahead of the children, the home, the friend, the outside activities, yes, even ahead of yourself. This is easier said then done, so here are some practical tips, tried and true:
1. Communicate daily--heart-to-heart.
2. Have a date weekly.
3. Pray together daily.
4. Work out conflicts quickly.
5. Always be the first to say, “ I’m sorry.”
6. Honor one another and defer to one another.
7. Say “I LOVE YOU” often.
8. Start the day by asking your husband if there is anything that you can do for him and do that first.
9. Thank each other even for the little things.
10. Reverence and respect your husband.

Every day when I look at my husband, I think of all we have been through, the good times as well as the bad. How we’ve been together in sickness and in health. How God has made us one physically and mentally, as well as spiritually. How we have birthed babies, as well as buried a baby together. We’ve done all this hand and hand, as we have walked the path that God has chosen for us. It helps that Patrick, my husband, looks like George Clooney, but even if he didn’t, I am committed til death do us part. Yes, when I said my marriage vows, even if I was only twenty years old at the time, I meant them. As Ed, a friend of Pat’s family who married us said when speaking about the vows, “THEY TOOK.” How about you? Are you putting your marriage first after you relationship to God, or has something else taken that place in your heart? Ladies, when you stand before God, He’s not going to ask how many souls you saved or even how clean was you house, but rather how did you live out your vocation of marriage. "This is my commandment that you love one another that your joy may be full," are the words of an old song. It should be our marriage theme song. Start today to live the marriage covenant lovingly. God’s plan always works best. Marriage was His idea in the first place. Go back and read Genesis 1.

What do you think? Leave a comment or ask a question.
ELLEN

Putting God First

Dear Moms,

God must always come first, yes, even if you have a houseful of children. Let’s make that, especially if you have a houseful of children! Never have I needed God more than when I was raising my seven close-together children, especially since I had the first six in twelve years. Yes, life was busy and that is just why God had to live in the center of my heart; I was incapable of doing all that I had to do without Him. I may slack off my prayertime a day or two now, but not in those days. I needed a lot of grace just to get through those sleepless nights with a newborn, then be awake enough the next morning to put a smile on my face and drive all the children to school. That required grace especially if I had a potty trainer thrown into the mix. My friend, Sue, used to say, “WITHOUT THE GRACE, I CAN’T DO THIS, LORD!” Sue raised eight close-together children. You know that old saying, “I DON’T KNOW MY OWN STRENTGH?” Well, we did. Our strength came totally from God. It still does.

I prefer being a Mary in the Bible. You know, Jesus’ best friend who chose the better portion, by sitting at Jesus’ feet. My joke is God gave me seven children to raise, so I became a Martha; I had no choice. I remember when my sixth child was born, a delightful surprise to the two of us, who thought our quiver was full. Strangers would comment, “WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.” What would I respond with the best southern charm that I could muster up, “IT’S A LOT OF WORK.” I learned to embrace the work and I thank God that He was able to train some Proverbs 31 qualities in me through the years. They say “HARD WORK NEVER KILLED ANYONE.” I am living proof of that and I praise God for it. I did have a lot of help from my angels as well.

Those who knew me in those days knew also that my prayertime was at ten o’clock on the dot. Oh that I could be that disciplined again. I would give the preschoolers some toys in the play room, take the nursing baby with me, (mostly so no one killed them), then I would sit down at the kitchen table to pray. For that hour of peace and quiet everyone was instructed to not bother mom because she was praying. Short of an emergency, no one did. That was God’s gift to me. I would sing praise songs, read scripture, journal and intercede before the throne of God and it was Glorious. Then at eleven o’clock on the dot, after getting the instructions from God for the day, I was ready to face the world of mother and wife, my chosen vocation. As I look back on my life and watch my girls trod the path I have paved, with children of their own, I know it was God who saw me through. Like Sue said, “WITHOUT THE GRACE, I CAN’T DO THIS, LORD.”

As the day progressed I would include my little ones in centering my day on God. We would light a candle each day together and sing the song “THIS IS THE DAY.” Throughout the day we would sing praise songs, and whenever I could, I would respond to them in scripture. For instance, if they were impatient, I would sing, “ HAVE PATIENCE, HAVE PATIENCE, DON'T BE IN SUCH A HURRY. WHEN YOU GET IMPATIENT, YOU ONLY START TO WORRY.” Now my girls sing it to their children. Remember passing the torch. Scripture says, "Speak to your children day and night about God." We tried, in our home, to do just that, closing the day with prayer. At night, my husband was in charge of praying with them and putting them to sleep.

Never was the expression, “IT’S ONLY THROUGH THE GRACE OF GOD,” more true, than in motherhood. My advice to you is put God first, and the rest of the day will fall into place. So mom, begin today finding ways to make Him Lord of your day. You’ll be surprised at how peaceful your days will become.

I love to answer questions about my faith as well as motherhood, so just ask away.
Ellen

Balance

Dear Moms,

Let's talk about BALANCE. As a mother of seven children, balance is an area in my life that I have to continually work on. How about you? There is a book by Linda Dillow, a dinosaur by the way, that talks about this very subject. The title of the book is “CREATIVE COUNTERPART.“ It is an oldie, but goodie. In this book, Linda Dillow takes five areas of a married woman’s life that she has to keep in balance. She expands on each area with personal experiences as well as biblical principles. It even has a bible study guide to go along with it. You most likely would have to go on google to get a copy of it; it is well worth it, for it is a great study. I’m going to do something similar this week, taking six areas of my life and talking about keeping them in balance, along with bibllical principles. So, you won’t want to miss this week's blog!

The six areas I have chosen to talk about are as follows:
1. God
2. Husband
3. Children
4. Home
5. Ministries, Hobbies and Friends
6. You

We all know this: if any of these areas of our life are ignored, we are out of balance. Some areas we need to grow in daily, like God, husband and children and even you. Other areas are a weekly commitment, like Home, Ministries, hobbies and, friends. All are important; all take time. To be a balanced, Godly Woman, we must find a way to work on all these areas of our life, step-by-step, and day-by-day. Mom, are you ready for the challenge, to be the BEST MOM YOU CAN BE? Stop and say a little pray that God will change you through this week’s wisdom. I often tell women that God doesn’t usually just reach down and change you. No, He’s not some fairy with a magic wand that just goes PRESTO-CHANGE-O. No, God usually changes you in the following ways:
1. Prayer--He Changes You Within As You Spend Time With Him
2. Life Circumstances--Yes, walking through life’s trials or joys makes you different.
3. People--He helps you to change through the example and through the correction of others.
4. Study--As we seek, we find, whether it be a mentor or just digging into God’s Word for yourself.

I can’t wait until tomorrow to talk about the first area: putting God first. I find that to be the steering wheel for my life, or to put it in modern terms, my own private GPS. Do you want to discover the secret to a balanced? Then tomorrow we will learn how to SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU. Let us study together and vow to grow!

Questions? JUST ASK ELLEN

Passing the Torch

Dear Moms,

Yes, daughters are a delight. The most important thing to remember about daughters is there are no two alike. So you have to raise them and treat them differently. Just like St. Paul says, “YOU HAVE TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE.” How do you do that? Mom, it is simple. Get to know them. Make it your goal to know their likes and dislikes. My Amanda loves pink and so do I, but my Kaitlin would not be caught dead in pink. Everyone likes Chinese food but Charity because it makes her sick. Some of my girls like to be noticed, while others are shy. When the girls were little, if I gave one girl a compliment, I had to always add all their names or one of my girls would feel insecure. It would go something like this, “YOU LOOK PRETTY TAROLYN. YOU TOO CHARITY, AMANDA AND KAITLIN.” It truly has become our family joke. Some are party girls, while others are homebodies. Some call me out of commitment, while others can talk all day. Mom, invest your time not in things that will whither and fade, like jobs and expensive houses; spend time with family building your relationships and forming your daughters into godly women. That will become the fruit that is passed down generation after generation. In Psalm it says, "Teach the next generation the things of God." I, for one, take that responsibility seriously. RISE UP, OH WOMAN OF GOD. PASS THE TORCH TO THE NEXT GENERATION.

This is a paragraph from Shirley Price’s book, God’s Plan For Wife and Mother: "Is it worth it to raise your children according to God’s direction? You bet it is worthwhile. Andrew Murray had eleven children. Five sons were preachers and four girls married ministers. In the next generation, ten grandsons were preachers and thirteen great grandchildren were missionaries. Proverbs 11:17 says that the memory of the just is blessed."

We just watched, as a World, the Olympics. Those who took home the gold strove for excellence. They prefaced their performance with hard work, perseverance, and pain. We should learn from their example. We should strive for excellence in the Kingdom of God. We should work hard, persevere, even through pain, and be the best mom we can be. Vow today to waste time with your daughters individually and as a group. Live the scripture, "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Start today; you older women, teach the younger women. Mentor your daughters whether they are two or they are twenty-two. Yes, PASS THE TORCH OF GOD’S LOVE TO THE NEXT GENERATION.

What are some of your mother-to-daughter memories, wisdom, or pitfalls? E-mail me or leave a comment!

ELLEN

Nana or Grandma: Help Please!

Dear Moms,

If you are not a grandma or nana yet, like me, e-mail this blog posting to your mom or mother-in-law. They will appreciate the wisdom, and you will receive a blessing because of it. Mom, do you remember being a mommy? Let me remind you with a walk down memory lane. There were sleepless nights and you didn‘t even live in SEATTLE! There was spit up on your blouse that you put on backwards as you were rushing out the door, with the nursing baby in tow, to run a carpool. There was laundry to do, a house in disarray and dinner to cook. You weren‘t praying, “LORD GIVE ME MORE TIME,” but rather, “LORD, I NEED SLEEP,” OR “LORD I NEED A SHOWER.” Secretly, if the truth be known, we were all praying, “LORD, I NEED MY MOMMY.” Yes, days were too long, nights were too short, and we just needed a little help around this place and a little adult conversation.

Nana or grandma, that’s where you come in all rested and smiling with the white hairs, that show your wisdom, covered up by a dye job, of course, to protect your vanity. What do you do? You serve, Martha. Don’t try to get by with an, "I’ll pray for you honey." They do not need prayer they need you to roll, up your sleeves, put on the apron of humility, and serve in any and all ways you are needed. Don’t wait to be asked, nana, because of course, they will say "no." Don’t say, “IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?” Of course there is, look around, nana, we are getting old, but we can still see. Just remember when you were in that boat and no one was helping you row. You are the Simon that God is sending them to help them carry their cross. Yes, you are there to lessen the load and bring out some joy to their land. It helps to remember, ”A MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME IS SACRIFICE AND ONCE A MOTHER ALWAYS A MOTHER.” That’s why they need their mommy.

When I go to visit my married daughters, I use the gifts God gave me to bless them. I’m an organizer, so I hit the ground running as soon as my plane lands, and after hugging them affectionately and catching up on life and arriving at their home, I begin. I clean out closets, organize pantries, and reorganize the playroom. On my breaks, I play with the grandbabies, run errands with my daughters, buy the food , and take them out to dinner. Do I sleep? BARELY. What sleep I do get is pleasant and fulfilling because of lots of hard work mixed with a job well done. When visiting my daughter Tarolyn, I even spoke at her MOMS CLUB. Yes, I share my gifts and try to be a BLESSING to their lives. I think it is working because my son-in-law, Dan, invites me to come--maybe because he appreciates me cleaning out the refrigerator or maybe because the house gets straightened. My son-in-law, Kyle, says, "Can you stay an extra week?" Then he adds, "I think I will ask my mom to detail clean when she comes." You see, that’s her gift. What is your gift, Grandma? Did you ever hear the song, “IF WE ARE HIS BODY, WHY AREN'T OUR ARMS REACHING?” Never have your arms been more needed or more appreciated then in the lives of your daughters. Just a side note, you may have to approach this a lot more tenderly with a daughter-in law. LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP, NANA. In other wards, ASK BEFORE YOU TAKE OVER THE HOUSE. They may react totally differently to you than they would to their own mom. I talk about mother-in-laws on another post. I bet I can get a lot of e-mails on that one.

My advice to you, nana or grandma, is BE THERE. Help where you are needed, and for heaven sakes, BE A BLESSING. You are Jesus with skin on to them. Nana, or Grandma, ask yourself, “WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?” THEN JUST DO IT. A nd do it with all your heart as unto the Lord. Kiss them all goodbye, get back on that plane with a smile on your face and a heart filled with memories that will last a lifetime. Pamper yourself now; you desire a break. Take some rest and relaxation; you’ve earned it.

What do you think? Just ask Ellen!

More on Raising Daughters

Dear Moms,

We talked about group dates with my daughters on the last post. Those “GIRLS' NIGHTS OUT” truly build sisterhood among all of us. After all, aren’t we all “SISTERS IN CHRIST?” Yet, in order for our Mother-Daughter relationships to be healthy with each daughter, since I do have four daughters, I plan and schedule a lot of ONE-ON-ONE TIME. When the daughters were in school, the most natural thing to do was grab a bite to eat together. We also would do a lot of shopping trips as well. I would let them share their hearts with me and ask questions that they didn’t want to ask with other sisters there. It became the perfect setting for them to open up and just be themselves. I always treasure those times together. I only have one single daughter and only two daughters in town, so whenever I can, weekly if possible, I try to schedule a Mom and Me Time. The effort it takes to make this happen is well worth it in the fruit it bears. I was always the one my girls sought advice from, not a teacher, not a counselor, not another Mom. I would also encourage the girls that if they ever had a problem that they couldn’t talk to me about, then to go to one of their sisters or their brothers, or their dad. S ince our family is so close, most problems were solved within the family network. As the Word of God says, “IF ONE REJOICES, WE ALL REJOICE. IF ONE SUFFERS, WE ALL SUFFER.” That is so true in our family.

With three married daughters and two living out of town, we are forced to have a lot of our ONE-ON-ONE TIME on the phone. This is where we thank God for cell phones. It had to be invented by a woman who had daughters who lived out of town. If my daughters need me, I want to be there for them. One well meaning friend suggested that I just don’t answer the phone if I am busy. My reply was that I’m never too busy for family. Yes, my daughters and I are in daily connection. Yes, sometimes the phone rings off the wall, but it’s always a joy to hear their voices, even if the grandchildren are screaming in the background. If I’m scheduled for a writing day, I will answer the phone with a, “HEY, IS IT ANYTHING IMPORTANT?” If the answer is no, I say, “CAN I CALL YOU BACK?” The answer is always, “YES.“ Everyone understands because we all live busy lives. These sharing times involve anything from asking for prayer, to sharing a recipe, to motherhood or marriage advice. Sometimes I’m even the one asking for prayer, a recipe or advice. It helps that we are all best friends. When I’m not on the phone with them, guess who they are on the phone with? You guessed it, each other. God says, "Call to me and I will be there.” We moms need to be imitators of God to our children in that area. Mom, if they are not confiding in you and seeking after your godly wisdom, who are they getting advice from?

So, Mom, get out your calendars, then pick up the phone and make a date with your daughter. If they live out of town, tell them to call for a phone date. Vow to never be too busy to be available to your most precious possessions, your children. Sometimes people will ask me what I want for my birthday or Christmas and I will reply, “TIME.” There’s so much to do and so little time to do it in. I’m always saying to God, “IF THERE WERE JUST EIGHT DAYS IN THE WEEK.” Time--use it wisely, and waste it not. Use your time to build a Godly Family. When you stand before God, will He say, “WELL DONE, YOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT”? What do you think, Mom? E-mail me or leave a comment!

ELLEN

Raising Daughters

Dear Moms,

We all know how special children are to us. God's Word states in Proverbs, "CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING FROM THE LORD.” Those of you who have children know just what God meant. I hope that God is continually growing a “MOTHER’S HEART” within you. We need that daily dose of our Father God’s love to see us through, and then we, in turn, can give that Blessing on to our children, that blessing of sacrificial, agape love. Now, as special as sons are, there is something different that God has called us to do to form our daughters. Yes, God has called you, mom, to form your daughters into women. That is huge and impossible without God’s guidance. Attention, mom, the world, the flesh and the devil, are trying to “eat our lunch.” If we don’t form these women into godliness, who will? How do we do that? This week's topic is going to address just that. So, tell a friend and don’t forget to read my blog this week!

The first way we form our daughters into godly women is to be a godly woman. We must give our hearts and our lives to Christ Jesus our Lord and learn then to know Him. As you know Him, Mom, you will begin to love Him, because He is love. God is Love, I repeat. Then, as He fills you with His love, you will be able to pour out His love on all you meet, especially on your husband and your children. Then, you will desire to serve Him. It all starts with your yes at the Cross. Then, find a church home and begin not only to read the bible, but to obey God’s Word. I am a Roman Catholic. I met Jesus when I received my First Holy Communion at age seven at St. Jerome’s Catholic Church on the first Saturday in May in the year 1960. God spoke to me in the stillness of my heart and my life was changed forever. Since this is a Moms' blog, I don’t want to take up any more time, but e-mail me with any questions or comments on this topic.

Mom, be a good example! I’m convinced that everyone needs a mentor. The most natural mentor, mom, is your mom. If your mom is not a believer, what do you do? How can you be a good example if you weren’t given a good example? This is the reason that God has raised up Older Women, as in the book of Titus, to teach and train the younger women. See how important church is for us all. Please note that Moms who are not believers can teach us a lot as well. Always, “HONOR YOUR MOTHER.” It is a spiritual principal. It also comes with a blessing. That is, “YOU WILL HAVE A LONG, GOOD LIFE.” I learned a long, long time ago, YOU CAN LEARN SOMETHING FROM EVERYONE AND EVERYONE CAN LEARN SOMETHING FROM YOU. Learn well and then you, in turn, can mentor your daughters.

Then, we must spend time with them. As your friends are so will you be like them. God gave you these daughters to raise then, as my husband says, "We are raising these children to be our BEST FRIENDS.” We believe that is God’s best--to be friends with our adult children, yes, best of friends. In our home, we have “Girls' Night Out.” We try for monthly, and it is impromptu. When children come from out of town, we always try to get together. We eat out, go to a movie, catch the ballet, or just sit around and talk. No BOYS OR CHILDREN ALLOWED. One year, the girls went to New York together. I missed the trip because grandpa was dying. There are lots of ways to work quality time into your relationships with your daughters, but the important thing is to start when they are very, very young. If they were never a priority growing up, you will not have that BEST FRIEND relationship you so need and desire with your adult children.

So mom, aim to be a godly woman, find a mentor, and spend time together forming those daughters to be women of God.

I know you all have questions and comments on this one. Just ASK ELLEN.

Ellen Mongan

Work and Play

Dear Moms,

Sometimes in our family, we are able to mix work and play. When you may ask? That would be in the case of a family member's move, the birth of a baby, or even an injury or an illness. When my father-in-law was dying, this became a reality. It was Easter Week and all the children were home, along with my husband's brother from Germany. We held Easter dinner at our home. Tarolyn, my daughter, brought the bouncy house; I bought eggs to color. The volleyball net was set up in the backyard, and there was a horse shoe game available. On the play side everyone joined in the fun. Now, for the work part--everyone took turns caring for Grandpa; all the adults prepared the meal (remember we are a cooking family), and of course, everyone cleaned up together. Never before was I more delighted to have a large, close family bond. Tears can come to my eyes as I can still picture my son Joshua carrying his grandpa on his back to the bathroom, so grandpa didn't have to wear diapers. That, my friend, is agape love in action. Grandpa died the very next day with his daughters-in-law and sons by his side, praying for his soul, holding his hands, and ushering him in before the throne of God in Heaven.

When we moved to our new home, leaving behind the house that our children grew up in, it was all hands on deck. Married children even came from out-of-town to lend a hand. It was quite a work party. We laughed and made a memory that will last a lifetime. All I can say is, "It was a lot of work." That is one sentence my entire family will agree on. One son-in-law had a brilliant idea that had to come from the heart of God. What was it, you may ask? It was, "NEXT TIME, LET'S HIRE A MOVER!" That was the second thing we all agreed upon on that move. We served beer and had food throughout the day and threw a pizza party at the end of the day and celebrated. Yes, we ate, drank, and I can tell you, we very merry. Pulling together for a common goal and making the work fun makes it all worthwhile.

Lastly, when a baby is to be born or a wedding to be planned, it is a time of celebration for the Mongan family. There are showers to plan, advice to be shared, and of course, maternity clothes and baby clothes to be passed down. Getting ready for a birth or the Sacrament of matrimony is a labor of love that everyone enjoys being a part of. Charity, my daughter, has been known to arrange the flowers with her home business, FORGET ME Knots, or even host the occasion at her restaurant AROMA'S. My daughter, Amanda, has an invitation business. She is always more than willing to do wedding invitations or baby shower invites. Yes, many hands make light work and we have a lot of fun along the way.

So be creative; let the Lord lead your family to make every day a memory, whether work or play. Always remember, "The joy of the Lord is your strength." Never forget, "If you don't work, you don't eat."

Ellen Mongan

More Family Fun

Dear Moms,

Every family is different. That’s a good thing, by the way. So part of having family fun is finding out what is sure to be a “GOOD TIME” to your family members. Then, individually design the day to make the most people happy, always keeping in mind that “YOU CAN PLEASE SOME OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME, BUT YOU CAN'T PLEASE ALL THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.” Sometimes, the greater blessing goes to the person who is making the sacrifice of doing an activity that they dislike to build family. All family members will take a turn, taking one for the team. ALL for one and one for all!

My husband, for example, is not a beach lover , yet he rents the family a beach house every year. What does he do while we are all enjoying fun in the sun and swimming in the pool? He is busy doing his yearly puzzle. Don’t feel sorry for him; there are many family members who help him, and it provides great “DAD and Me” time on the beach trip.

Our family is a very physical family. That means that when we get together and are not watching football on the big screen, we are participating in a family sport. We enjoy volleyball, badminton, and boating together. Yes, we have even been known to play touch football on Thanksgiving day as a family. All of our children participated in sports in school. We would go as a family to cheer them on.

Our family, believe it or not, loves to cook together. So for holidays or special occasions, you can find us whipping up something gourmet to feast on and fellowship around. Boys and girls alike join in the fun of cooking together as a family. Lastly, we have Sunday dinner at seven o’clock every week. After cooking together, eating together, talking together, we may be found playing a game together, or even teaching the children how to play bridge. If we get bored, there is always the Wii or the Nintendo to entertain us. What happens if there is a Georgia vs. Florida game? Of course, all life stops and all Mongans are glued to the TV.

Now what is family fun to you? If you haven’t been able to get some “GOOD TIMES” rolling, call a family meeting and put your heads together; put all ideas on the table. Give everyone a chance to share. I’d like to hear from you! What has worked and not worked in your family? Suggestions anyone?

Ellen

Family Vacations

Dear Moms,

Yesterday we talked about how we have fun as a family weekly. Today, I want to share about how we have fun as a family yearly. Vacations are an important part of our yearly tradition. My husband, Patrick, has always held vacations as a family as an important and necessary event. Even though we had seven children, we went on vacations every summer, including a month-long trip out West with six children! Did I mention two were in diapers? My children pride themselves on the fact that they have been to practically every state in our country. Patrick and I always took a trip or two alone once a year even if it meant bringing the nursing baby. The time alone was well worth the effort it took, even having the baby along. We hardly knew the child was around. I highly recommend yearly romantic getaways for all couples at any age.

Now that almost all of our children are grown, we have established the tradition of a yearly beach trip as a family. Everyone comes--sons, daughters, in-laws, and grandchildren. Patrick pays to rent a six bedroom, four bath house with a pool, and each family is in charge of making one dinner and doing the clean up that day. The family beach trip has been a big success. It truly builds family and makes memories.

Patrick and I have also gone on several vacations with our adult children and their spouses one at a time. It gives us an opportunity to know them as a family and gives us a lot of time with grandchildren.

God has made us in such a way that we need to recharge and take the time to smell the roses. As the Sabbath rest is God's gift to our week, vacations are God's gift to our year. Family vacations give us an opportunity to rest, refresh, recoup, recharge and rediscover how great it is to just waste time together. How great is family! Take the time this year to get away together and treasure the moment. Children truly are a blessing from the Lord.

What are some great family vacations that you have enjoyed? We love to get new ideas of places to go!

Leave a comment or e-mail me,
Ellen

Family Fun Day

Dear Moms,

Last week, we talked about work, so this week we are going to talk about play. Remember the favorite saying in our home, "All work and no play makes John a dull boy"? The Mongan family works hard, and we play hard. Both activities build family and both activities build character. Since it is summertime, I thought I'd first give a practical solution for family fun. This is taken from a chapter of my book, RECIPES FOR MOTHERHOOD, which you can purchase on our website upon request.

Once a week in the summertime, our family has FAMILY FUN DAY. Fun Day, as it is called, is a day set aside to do some terrific family activity. On this day we aim for minimum work and enjoy maximum pleasure. At the beginning of the summer, we make up a list of desired Fun Day ideas. Then, at the beginning of the week, we pick the activity that we want to do. This Family Fun Day is for family only, rarely are guests asked to participate. Some of the places we have gone and the things we have done are:

1. Go out for ice cream.

2. Play miniature golf.

3. Bowling.

4. The movies.

5. Each child invites a friend over to watch rented DVDS.

6. Go to the park.

7. Go on a picnic.

8. Go to Chuckie Cheese and eat pizza.

9. Out to lunch at McDonald's and play on the playground.

10. Visit Grandma.

11. Go to the beach.

12. Play Nintendo, X-Box or Wii together.

If the activity is short we try to think of other free activities, such as water balloon fights to fill the day with fun. We have a budget and we try to keep to it. Family Fun Day is loved by all. It breaks up the boredom of just going to the pool every day. It is a time to make memories that will hopefully last a lifetime.

As you see, Family Fun Day is a looked-forward-to, treasured activity. But how does it build character you might ask? One way is having to defer to other family members, if your activity is not the one selected for the day, choosing a good attitude, even if you dislike bowling or the DVD selected. It builds character by trying to make the most of the situation, knowing that the important thing is spending time together as a family. Another character lesson is taking turns and waiting patiently as younger siblings learn the skills of miniature golf or even Nintendo. Lastly, being willing to aid in teaching a sibling something you have mastered and they haven't had a clue about, builds both character and family. God can use every life circumstance to teach us character. Mom, it is our job to guide our children into the ways of the Lord whether it be in work or in play. Family Fun Day--try it; you'll like it!

Leave a comment or e-mail your ideas for Family Fun Day!
Ellen

Chores Continued

Dear Moms,

As you see I am committed to writing on a variety of Motherhood subjects many times a week. So check my website often. Yes, it is a new season, and as God says in His Word, “THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERY SEASON UNDER HEAVEN.“

To continue this week's subject of chores, I want to give a few specifics:

1. In our home, we had five o’clock chores, after diner chores, and Saturday morning chores. This helped our home to run smoothly. Everything was tidy and dinner was served when my husband walked through the door at six o’clock. The dishes were done promptly after eating together as a family. On a good day, the breakfast table was set and ready for all to eat the next morning. Saturday morning was an all-family work party to conquer big projects, like clean out the garage or even Spring Cleaning. Doing chores together built family, as well as character. In order to draw out their gifts, as well as build confidence, the older children were often called upon to teach the younger ones.

2. There are many ways to assign chores. As a young mother , I would write the chores on little slips of paper and let the children pick their chore out of a hat. I thought that they would enjoy their surprise pick. I was wrong. As an older and much wiser Mom, I would list the chores on a piece of paper and have them sign their names to the chore of their choice. Once my list was completed each day, I would yell, "CHORES!" and everyone would come running toward the notebook pads: friends, neighbors, those young and those old alike. Yes, at our home we would not only feed all those who were there at dinner time, but also assign chores to them., Our home was where everyone gathered, and it became a training ground of necessary life skills for all.

3. Additude was everything during chores. Complaining was not acceptable. We were even known to put on Christian music and REJOICE IN THE LORD while working together. Oh how God loves a MERRY HEART, and that needs to be cultivated!

Chores were one of the things God used in my life to make my life go peacefully. What do you think? Leave a comment or ask a question--I would love to hear from you!

Ellen

Paid Jobs

Dear Moms,
The bible clearly states, “!f you don’t work, you don’t eat.” It‘s in there, believe me. Or, ask my children, because I used to quote it all the time to motivate them. It‘s a great motivator, especially if you
have teenage boys. Look it up in your bible, or e-mail me for the scripture reference. Knowing that not only is the scripture true, but also that it bears good fruit when acted upon, we lived this scripture in our home. Yes, chores were a common word in our home, and we‘ll discuss more on chores at a later date. Today, however, I‘d like to talk about paid jobs. In order to teach my children responsibility, as well as, how to handle finances, I would have a list of paid jobs on the fridge. These jobs would be any thing from washing the car, to babysitting the siblings. After each chore would be the amount they could earn and a place to sign their names. This worked great in our home. If there were no jobs posted and someone needed to make some money, they would even come to me to beg for a paid job. I could always think of something I was willing to pay them to do. What mother of seven couldn‘t! It was a win, win situation; I got needs meet and they were able to make some money to buy what they wanted. Every job was done well with a good heart and a smile on their face because, unlike chores, which were service in our home, these jobs reaped a salary reward. Now that I have grown children, I still hire them when I can to get things done that I can’t do. My daughter, Amanda, at the present time, is making me wedding invitations because my husband and I are renewing our vows in December. My daughter, Charity, bakes cakes for special occasions for me. My son, Josh, has just been hired to paint our home so we can sell it. Each child is using his or her gifts to bless me, and yes, we both reap a reward.

If at all possible, I try to keep it in the family. Why? Because I know I can trust them to do an outstanding job, and if anything goes wrong, I know where their parents live! What do you think, Mom? Any questions? Just ASK ELLEN.

TRULY CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING FROM THE LORD. “BLESSED IS HE WHOSE QUIVER IS FULL.” IN OTHER WORDS, CHILDREN, WHEN RAISED IN AGODLY HOME, WILL BLESS YOU BACK!

Ellen

The C-Word: Chores

In addition to continuing to post the rest of the alphabet weeks, we will start doing a topic a week, with multiple posts (not necessarily every day). So, if you want to get in on the discussion, please leave a comment! Or, if you just want to read what Ellen and everyone else has to say on the subject of the week, check back often!

This week's topic is Chores:

Dear Moms,
Lets talk about the C-WORD today. C is for chores. In our home we had two sayings…………
1. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JOHN A DULL BOY.
2. FIRST WE WORK AND THEN WE PLAY.

Motherhood, as all things in the Christian walk, is a balancing act. We must teach our children how to work hard as well as how to play hard. My theory, as a mom, is once a child has mastered a skill, I would no longer help him in that area. For example, as soon as Tyler could dress himself, it was Tyler’s responsibility to do so. Anything short of that, mom, is enabling. The exception to the rule would be if I was running late to pick up a carpool to school. This problem was easily solved, as I aimed high at always allotting enough time to make the time commitments in my day. This was no easy feat as the mother of seven active children!

Mom, you may say to yourself, ”It’s just so much easier if I just do it myself.“ You know what, YOU ARE RIGHT. However, putting the effort in up front to teach your child basic skills bears great fruit. Most of our children could run the house at age ten in my absence. They were taught to cook, clean , babysit and do the One secret to my success was, I parented with 80% praise and 20% correction. So, if they put the babies diaper on backwards or burned the grilled cheese sandwiches, I’d muster up a smile and give a hug that said, "thank you so much." The result was they’d try harder. Here’s a hint, mom, Nothing stops growth more than discouragement. Don’t take my word for it; try a little experiment. Spend one day correcting your child on everything they try to do. You can call it perfecting or just trying to get them to do it right, if it makes you feel better. Record your results of the day. Now, spend the next day in high praise for your child’s accomplishments, no matter how great and no matter how small. Also record your results. What day was your child more motivated? What day was your child happier? What day were you both more peaceful? Mom, what kind of home do you want to run? One with peace and joy or with discouragement and frustration? Let’s get busy moms. Let's form these children for the Kingdom of God...Let us delight in them as God delights in us when He teaches us a new skill! Let us do it the 1 Cor. 13 way. Make love be your aim, Mom. How about dropping me an e-mail,

Ellen