Thursday, November 6, 2008

I is for Inability

Dear Moms,

I hope this series on discipline has been helpful. There are only three key words left to talk about. The next key word for the letter I is INABILITY TO COPE. There’s an old song that goes like this, “ MY MAMA SAID THERE WILL BE DAYS LIKE THIS THERE WILL BE DAYS LIKE THIS MY MAMA SAID.” Just knowing that there will be days like this, days that you will feel an inability to cope, that information alone will be a help in getting thru one of those day. Even though that song was not intended to be about motherhood, I wanted to use it to make my point. What is my point, you might be asking yourself? My point is Mom, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Every Mom, if the truth be told, has a day like this, where she wants to run away to a Caribbean Island, change her name and never change another Pamper again. A day when she is a desperate woman, who is convinced that she can’t go on. She may even feel that she doesn’t love her child or her children. The key word is a day, like this. If however this these days go on for weeks, this is a RED FLAG. Most Mothers realize after a day or two, that they can’t afford a trip to the Caribbean, that they actually like their name and it isn’t so bad changing the Pampers. In other words they realize that their emotions were getting the best of them, and they were just having a bad day. You see mature moms realize that love is a choice and not a feeling. Just like in the scripture I Corinthians 13,which states the qualities of love. What it doesn’t state however is that we must choose to walk in these virtues. Don’t panic mom God will give us the grace to do just that as we spend daily time with him.

Now what if this feeling just doesn’t go away. This feeling of inability to cope, this lack of love for our child, this desperation to run away, what do you do then, mom? This, like I said, is a Red Flag, a warning sign, a cry for help, which should never be ignored. It is very real and needs attention, you can not just pray it away. Here are some important ideas of what to do:
1. Tell your husband immediately, maybe he can take on some of the responsibilities that you are carrying.
2. This is a great time to schedule a meeting with that Older Woman or Spiritual Director, we talked about in another section.
3. Get a break, hire a babysitter, or a maid, or a mother’s helper. If you don’t have the finances for this, trade off with a friend that you trust with your children.
4. Ask your mom to come for a visit. In most cases she can be another set of hands and a wealth of wisdom.
5. Get a new hairdo or buy a new dress. We are woman, some times we just need a lift. How we look on the outside does affect how we feel on the inside.
6. Get into a exercise routine. Every woman is different, chose what flavor of exercise you enjoy, a class, a sport, running, going to the gym, or just popping in a DVD. What ever it is do it regularly, at least three times a week .Exercise will be great to change your outlook on your day.
7. Get a support system of other mothers , who have children the same ages as your children. Get together weekly if not more often.
8. Get a Prayer Partner that can pray with you daily. A person you can call any time day or night that you know you can depend on.
9. Get outdoors. Go for a daily walk, even if it is with the children, and enjoy the sunshine.
10. Go see your doctor. You physical state does affect your mental state. Get a check up to see what is going on.
11. Get some sleep. Nap if possible. We are human, we need sleep. A good night sleep does wonders.
12. Maybe it is time to take a Romantic Get Away with your husband. .How about the Caribbean?

Mom, take some of these practical suggestions. There is always help available. You are not in this alone. There are people who can and will help. Don’t go it alone. ASK FOR HELP. Remember, no one is exempt, all of us have days like this, that’s why my mama said there would be days like this.
E-mail me, ELLEN, I’D like to help!

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