Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Jealousy 3

Dear Moms,
We are discussing the topic of jealousy this week. One of the ways to assure that your child will have issues with jealousy, is for a parent to favor one child over another child. Another way to guarantee a jealousy problem between siblings is to treat one child harsher than the other children, or reject a child. Most times this is innocently done and the parent is not aware of their actions. At least, thinking the best of the parent, I sure hope not. You’d think, if a parent became aware of the fact that they were either favoring a child or, heaven forbid being harsh to a child or even rejecting a child, they would immediately repent and thus change their behavior. So how is it that this problem even exists? Some times parents are in denial and they are un able to see their own fault even when pointed out to them. Moms check your heart. Are you giving your children equal love and equal attention and equal encouragement? Another reason this happens is when one child gets on your nerves. You know the saying,” I have one nerve left and you are getting on it.” In other word most likely a personality conflict exists between mother and child. Mom that is no excuse, you are the adult and you need to, thru the grace of God, overcome this. My suggestion to you is take this child to God in prayer each day and ask God to change your heart. Ask God to change your child’s behavior. Ask God to reveal to you their good qualities and to help you accept them for the person they are, faults and all.
Another suggestion I can make comes from a suggestion I received from a friend. The reason I mention it, is that it bore such good fruit. One of her children not only got on her nerves, but also on her husband’s nerves as well. This was at a certain age in the child’s life, probably middle school,. We all know how tough puberty is. After brainstorming together, they came up with a game plan. They decided that every time they would pass by the child they would make a conscious effort to give the child a big hug followed by an encouraging word or a, “I LOVE YOU.” We all know from 1Cor.13 that, “LOVE NEVER FAILS.” This plan sure succeeded above and beyond their expectations. This child, now grown is a confident, well adjust, as well as , well liked individual. If you meet this child you’d probably guess that they were the parents favorite all along. These excellent parents, have succeeded in making all their children feel like they are the favorite. Now isn’t that just what God does to His children. He loves us all Best. That is our goal moms to love them all the Best.
I was fortunate enough that none of my children got on my nerves for very long. Oh, I had my days. Don’t we all. I did have the experience where other peoples children got on my nerves. This became quite a trial since we were the, “ kid friendly house,” where all the children hung out. Some times it was just a daily prayer matter and another opportunity to choose over my flesh. The good news was they didn’t live with me. God has a way of teaching us to love the unlovable. If you think about it some days some one is praying to God to help them love you. Yes, some days we are the unlovable. If we remember Jesus’ words, LET HE WITH NO SINS THROW THE FIRST STONE.” Then remember the price that Our Savior willing paid for our sins, we are some how able to cut our child a little slack, no matter how annoying they have been that day
There are a few examples in Scripture where parent played favorites. If you are interested, read the story of the twins Essua and Jacob,, in the book of Genesis. Their mother, Rebekeka loved Jacob, and yes favored him. Their father Isaac, found Essua to be the apple of his eye. You need to read the story yourself to see what fruit they bore for their in ability to give their twin boys equal love. The bible character Sarah , also found in Genesis was unable to love her step son Ishmael, like she loved her son Isaac. This not only caused problems for Ishmael, but also for his father Abraham and his birth mother Haggai as well. The bible is full of example of how to parent. We can learn what to do and what not to do if we study God’s word. I hope this has give you some food for thought.
Parenting, no one ever said it would be easy. Let me caution you, if you think that you child will not notice that you are favoring, treating them harshly or rejecting them, you are wrong. I think they are the first to notice even if you act that way for one day. Listen to your child, mom. Even if is not real to you it is real to them, so if they point it out or your spouse points it out, thank them and take it to prayer.
Jealousy can not be eliminated from our fallen human nature, but mom we surely don’t want to be the cause of leading our child into a sin that could become a life long habit pattern. So do your best to love one another equally, for, “Love is from God and those who love are form God, for God is love.”
That’s all from Ellen

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